Mushroom Hats

It's not right to judge a gnome by the shape of his hat, you know
Some gnomes wear mushroom caps
And some gnomes wear cherries, red, blue and always in pairs.
But my favorite gnome caps are ones not so bizarre
Some are octagonal, some triagonal or rectangular,
But there are the simpler still cricles and squares
These simple shapes make a gnome no less a gnome
In fact, I think it makes them rather more gnomely!
You see, a gnome that is not afraid to wear his own shapes
Truly demonstrates what it means to be a gnome in the first place!
To be a gnome there is only one rule
And that rule is one that must be followed, against all ridicule.
That rule is this, and this alone:
Be who you are, let yourself be known.

Butterfree

Time

People like to think
That time is only an idea
Invisible and intangible
But I have seen it
And I hae felt its
Cool hot grasp
Burrow into my chest
And wrench from it,
Skewing between gnarled
Sternum, my heart
Beating hardly at
Malevolence’ whim
Leaving me helpless to
Rise against this foe
Forcing me to wait,
Gasping, my lungs
Burning and dry,
For that clock
To change hands
So that I
May turn
My eyes

"Fake and Gay!"

Outside of the obvious misuse of the word "gay" there's something else that really pisses me off about the expression "fake and gay," and that would be the "if it isn't real it can't possible be funny" part. I really don't understand it at all. Why does something have to be real to be humorous? Why are all those mock iPhone text pics suddenly less humorous because the conversation was scripted and penned out as opposed to actually having taken place?

"Since this is fake, it can't possibly be humorous by relating to fault autocorrect!"

Is there just no room for fiction in our current society? Normally that would be my guess. Since we live in an era where factual information can be delivered to your scramble-egged eyes in literal seconds, maybe the interest in fictional content has diminished. The only problem with that theory is how damn popular Twilight, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and My Little Pony are right now. They kind of fuck all around with fake not being gay.

Now you might tell me "But those franchises aren't claiming to be real. They're obviously fake so you might as well enjoy them for what they are." Why thank you, society, for that rare and thought out argument! However, you're still way off the mark, because those iPhone pics and the staged photos claim to be real just as much as World War Z supposedly actually happened. Presenting fiction under the guise of semi-realism is actually part of the art style, and judging by current trend of basing the quality of a game, comic, or movie off of just how "realistic" it is, it's the preferred style.

SO WHY ARE YOU BITCHING ABOUT IT?

Being a cartoon does not make Family Guy any less funny. In fact, I dare to say that if the situations on that show were real, they would be tremendously less funny. Actually, most of them would probably be horrific 20/20 stories that make you hate the world.

Fake isn't gay. Fake has a place in this world. Appreciate the humor for what it is, and I of all people should not be telling you this, but: Lighten up!

Random Blog Picture Game Thing

Couldn't help it guys D: I just love cartoons too much D:

I got sixty of them. Highlight to see my answers.


Amoeba Boy - Magilla Gorilla - Dexter's Dad - Dexter's Mom - Yogi Bear - Velma - Krunk - Birdman - Jabberjaw - Foghorn Leghorn - Aku - Judy Jetson - Astro - Bugs Bunny - Taz - Wile E. Coyote - I R Baboon - Mandark - Johnny Quest - Huckleberry Hound - Porky Pig - Fred - Daphne - Space Ghost - Scooby-Doo - Ms. Bellum - The Mayor - Chicken - Fred Flintstone - He-Man - Ed - Deedee - Shaggy - Droopy - Brak - Dick Dastardly - Sheep - Wilma - Betty - Johnny Bravo - Grim - The Creeper - Dexter - Edd "Double D" - Buttercup - Bubbles - Mojo Jojo - Blossom - Samurai Jack - Elmer Fudd - Yosemite Sam - Eddy - Zorak - Barney Rubble - Booboo - Eustace - Muriel - Secret Squirrel

Headphones Aren't to Keep Sound Out; They're So We Don't Have to Hear Your Shit

That right there is a pair of headphones. Most people are familiar with them, and if they aren't it's because they were raised in a society that seems determined to force those dinky earbuds on us in place of the true music muffs. Regardless, they serve the same purpose, so all you Bud Babies (oh, an unfortunate name) better listen up as well.

Most people who have a long commute, or just love music, really don't want to hear the annoying crap the rest of the world has to say. Reading a book on the bus and being jabbed out of fantasy by some moron who feels that it is his moral duty to save you from the relentless boredom that brought you to the book in the first place is perhaps one of the single most annoying instances of having to live I have experienced. Thankfully a trusty pair of headphones lets the world know: "Hey, I'm in my own little world over here because you all suck. Leave me alone."

"No, I won't tell you what I'm reading."

Unfortunately it has recently been brought to my attention that headphones, despite being a sacred artifact for the socially uninitiated, creates a whole new breed of douchebag. The kind that think that if they can't hear the world, the world can't hear them. So obviously it's okay for them to scream "BABY BABY BABY NO!" louder than a cat in heat getting drilled by a horse.

What part of "headphones" means "public tolerance enhancer?" Headphones weren't invented to drown out the idiocy of the world (despite what I've stated above); they were invented so innocent civilians didn't have to be subjected to the monkey screeches blasting out of the boombox propped up beside your stupid face.

Seriously, turn the volume down.

An Unfortunate Man Uses A Public Bathroom

Ugh

I hate using these

They’re always so dark and dirty

But I’ve really gotta go

I knew I should’a gone before we left

Now I look like some jerk

No, it’ll be fine

People use these all the time

This one isn’t too bad

Actually, the lighting is nice

And the tiles are clean

And…

Holy crap!

That goatee is longer than my arm!

And those eyebrows!

Those horrible, horrible-

No

Just look away

Oh god, he’s gonna kill me

Keep looking forward

Keep looking forward

Oh man

Why did that tile feel so sticky?

That shouldn’t be sticky

What if someone vomited?

What if I just stepped in piss?

Just don’t think about it

It was some soap

Yeah

Just some soap

…

What if my foot smells like piss?

Nope!

No.

Just go in the stall

Everything will be better in the stall

Not that stall

I’ll just hang my coat here

What if there’s gum here?

That’s so gross

Who would do that?

Alright, now we’re ready to-

Aw man

Someone’s in that stall

Why do they have to be there now?

Awwwww Maaaaannnnnn

I hope they’re almost done

They just sat down

What if they’re waiting for me to finish?

What if we’re stuck here forever, waiting?

I’m gonna die here!

His pants aren’t pushed down very far.

Are mine too far?

Does he think it’s weird how far down they are?

Is it weird?

No

What’s weird is thinking about it

Why would I even do that?

Ugh, he’s blowing his nose

How can you blow your nose on the toilet?

Whatever

Maybe if I just look away I can forget he’s there

Hm hm hmmmmm

La laa…

Lookin’ over here

I wonder how handicap people use the bars

Do they need to hold themselves on the toilet?

Does it make me a bad person for coming in here?

What if a handicap guy has to crap?

Does autism count as a bathroom handicap?

What’s that noise

Is someone gonna kill me?

Oh

Silly me

Just the lights

Oh crap

That noise totally came from me

The dude there is gonna be disturbed

He’ll think I’m weird

No, this is the bathroom

Those noises are allowed

Is burping allowed?

He’s shuffling his feet

He thinks I’m weird

Oh man

What if the smell sticks to me?

Everyone’s gonna think I’m gross

I should shower when I get home

I bet there’s a hot girl out there

One from school

She’ll tell everyone I’m gross

I have to make sure I don’t stink

Hope nobody needs this paper later

Two rolls outta do it

Woah!

Why did that flush?

I wasn’t done!

It did it again!

Oh no

I broke the flusher

They’re gnna arrest me

Oh man

Oh man

How does this thing work anyways

That little light?

How does it know?

Is it a camera?

Maybe it goes to a room where they push a flush button

Creepy button guy

I think I’m done here

….

So now it won’t flush?

I’ll just stick my hand over that for a minute

There we go!

Okay, gotta go now

Finally outta here

Just gotta wash my hands

Oh boy! Foam soap!

A couple extra squirts won’t hurt

Ha, it’s a mountain

Quick rinse

Not that quick

Who sets these timers?

Who can wash their hands that fast?

Whatever

No paper towels

No problem

Just wipe off my pants

All good

The nightmare is over

Oh, hey, it’s Chloe!

She smiles

She’s coming over

Wait

Now she’s frowning.

“What’s that smell?”

Welcome to the Universe: The Mushroom Kingdom Lies Beneath Hyrule

Everybody likes to imagine their greatest heroes going toe-to-toe for whatever reason. Ryu and Wolverine, Darth Vader and Siegfried, Donald Duck and Cloud Strife, Mighty Mouse and Superman the list just goes on and on until eventually video game nerds

Sweet, Sweet Sixteen

In 1996 a pair of magical games launched in the Land of the Rising Sun, a pair of games that would alter the course of the gaming industry, and anime, for nearly a decade and continue to make itself felt for more than fifteen years, inspiring creative minds and corporate fat cats to this day. Of course, I'm sure most of you have already figured what it is I'm babbling on about.

Close, but no Chimchar.

But there's still twenty-one days until the franchise hits its birthday. Oh no, I'm here to let you all in on a secret bigger than the franchise, bigger than the industry, bigger than life itself. Today, on February 6th, 2012, ten months and fifteen days before the apocalypse, we have gathered together here to celebrate the final birthday of a single mon with the power to change the world, who has gone on a long and winding spiritual journey to find the inner piece he needed to use that power for good. Today we celebrate the sixteenth birthday of our dearest friend, our most frightful foe, and our fellow brother-in-arms... Today is the anniversary of a day upon which the first and last of an army was born... Today is the day where we certainly hope he doesn't develop the typical hormonal outbursts that happen to guys his age, because Arceus help us all if he does. Today is the sixteenth birthday of... Mewtwo!

"What do you mean this isn't my birthday suit?"

That's right! On this day sixteen years ago the greatest Pokemon and Pokemon Trainer was born to the world  in a mansion on the shores of sandy Cinnabar Island. Don't believe me? Well I've got his birth certificate.

So now that all you non-believers feel like a bunch of Snubbull, I hope you pay your due respects. To celebrate the day, here's some cool pictures I found in Mewtwo's baby book. Wasn't he just the cutest?

Angel

Whoa!
I think I've just seen an angel
She walked past the door
And the entire hall began to glow
Bright as the sun
...I think she's made a believer of me
Because there's just no way
She was not divine
Maybe if I pray
I can see her once more
But not in a dream
Not in a vision
Not in a memory
But infront of me
Because there's almost no way
Such beauty
Could be
Real