That Was When I Ruled the World

An interesting thread was posted on the UM forums recently asking: "What would you do if you were somehow elected world leader?" This just so happens to be something I think about a great deal, and have a lot to say about. As I was writing my response to the thread I realized it was getting a little unwieldy for a forum post (I posted it anyways) and thought I would share it here. As such, here is the post in full:

I would put a heavy dose of importance on art, education, and culture.

One of my first acts would be to eliminate a large portion of the electronics market and provide a large number of federally manufactured alternatives. E-readers, and cellphones would all be removed from private enterprises, as would DVD players, cable service, internet services, and video game consoles. These would all become handled exclusively by the government. Online marketplaces and social networks (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) would also be swiftly removed and replaced with one single, powerful government social network and marketing place, from which all forms of media could be purchased to a unique individual's ID number account and streamed to all the devices associated with that individual. This social network and market place would serve to be an enormous hybridization of Facebook, Amazon, eBay, and Goodreads, allowing individuals to connect privately with their families and friends, purchase goods, hold and place bids on auctions, and publish public reviews of the goods they've purchased.

To further facilitate creative endeavors, and connect the world economy with entertainment, a special branch of government would be designated specifically to entertainment. The main operations of this branch would be to handle the remastering and releasing of all previously published material prior to my reign as World Leader. This material would be upgraded in various fashions. Movies and shows would have their audio and video enhanced as much as possible, music would likewise be enhanced to new qualities, video games would now be equipped with an achievement system and online multiplayer (including those games released on systems as far back as, oh, the Pong table cabinet), and books would be available in a variety of formats and qualities. 

All materials published prior to the year 2000 would enter the public domain to allow further creative endeavors. Additionally, the copyright of a work would die with the individual who created it, allowing that work to grow its own life in the next few decades and centuries. Corporations would no longer be treated as individual citizens and would have to designate an originator at the time of a creation's origin. Once this origin had passed away, the work would belong to the public domain, regardless of the standing of the corporation. While the copyright to a work could be bought or sold, the Originator could never be changed, and once he or she perished the work would be available for sale and modification and reinterpretation by and to everyone.

On the topic of rights laws, trademarks would be completely defunct. As would patents. Copyrights laws would be modified to consider the roles that trademarks and patents previously occupied, however to a lesser extent. For example, characters whose work of origin had entered the public domain (Mickey Mouse and Steamboat Willie, for an example) would now also enter the public domain. Copyrights laws would not extend to devices or non-material creations to avoid a monopoly.

A self-publishing platform similar to that of Kindle Direct Publishing would be implemented for books, videos, music, and static visual art. Games and apps will have to be vetted due to their complexity. This platform allows every individual the opportunity to reach economic stability through their own unique endeavors and achievements, and assures that no voice can never be heard. 

Going along with that, a special section of publishing will be devoted to the official publication of fan fiction and other fan works. This area will operate almost precisely like the self-publishing platform, however it will require that an individual list any names, references, characters, locations, brands, items, objects, ideas, etc. that belong to the universe of a property currently held by the copyright of another creator. The creators who actually own those copyrights will then be awarded a divided (depending on how many universes were clashed in the work) 80% of the profit generated by that fan work. 10% would go to the government, and 10% to the creator of the fan work.

DLC would be made available not just to video games and their publishers, but DLC would be viable for videos, books, and whole music albums. This would allow consumers to purchase one copy of a movie or show which would continue to update into higher quality (this one is free), add more language subtitles (also free), or release special features, such as additional dub languages or special feature documentaries for an additional cost. Only the current rights holder would be permitted to add DLC to a work, and if the work were public domain, only the government could add special features (unless the work were privately edited and uploaded by another individual.)

A resale market would also be created for the digital marketplace, allowing individuals to sell off the applications and programs they no longer use. Such as books they no longer read, or movies they no longer watch. This market would distribute the money in the same 80-10-10 percentage field as fan works, and an individual would not be able to price their item lower than it is available for in the federal marketplace. However, items no longer available in that marketplace may be set at any price. If there is no copyright for the item being sold, the percentage is split 85-15 in favor of the individual.

Earlier I had mentioned that phones would be replaced as well. This is because our current phone system is obsolete and pointless. Voice chat would now be a standard application of all handheld devices, and provided that an individual's ID number were on your contacts list, you could ring them up at any point you wish. Their devices will alert them that they have an incoming call. The primary difference between voice chat and telephone is that this voice chat option will be performed over the internet, much like it is when using an audio chat in AIM. Video chat would also be available for devices which are equipped with a camera, and text chat would be available for most standard devices. Additionally, individuals may eschew chat altogether in favor of audio, video, or textual mail.

For those who prefer their entertainment in a physical form, Print-on-Demand options will be available for essentially everything.

I believe that would cover my entertainment reform...

The second act I would assume would be a simultaneous push for modernization of various areas (such as Africa) which would bring modern standards of living to all parts of the world as well as an education reform, which would overhaul our educational system right to the university level. Wireless internet would now be globally available to all regions and all areas, allowing all to be completely connected.

The largest push here, which will meet quite a bit of resistance, I'm sure, would be the push for the reform of language. Schools would be required to teach and perform in the English language starting from kindergarten upwards through graduation. Other language and culture courses would be offered as well, but all other classes must be taught exclusively in English. Breaking language barriers is one of the first steps in uniting the human race.

In addition to this, the educational system would become more rigorous, in part because diplomas and certificates will not be mandatory for a great deal of jobs. The educational system, beyond grade 8, would exist only to serve those who desired education. After grade 8 comes high school, as most know. High schools will require all incoming students to take placement exams, and should they fail, they will not be permitted into the school. Simple as that. All high schools will also be equipped with a living campus, allowing their top graded applicants from across the world to move and live on campus quarters to further their education. All on a federal budget. This process would be continued into university years.

Classes will no longer be wash and repeat for twelve years straight. Each year will bring new things, and our students will learn and advance much more quickly than they do now. By grades 5-8 they should be learning the types of advanced mathematics currently being offered to high school students, as by grades three and four they should have a mastery of algebra. Various electives will be available to all students, of any grade, and clubs and sports will be offered as well to all grade levels.

All schools K-8 are required to provide at least one hour of recess for their students. 9-C do not have this requirement, as it is up to the now older student to manage their day accordingly.

Individuals who hold a Working Diploma (awarded to all graduates of grade 8) may enter the workforce in any position to which they are qualified. Additionally, individuals with a Working Diploma may enter to take various examinations which will license them for better crafts and trades, such as carpentry and plumbing. This will eliminate any need for classes for those who already know what they're doing.

A large number of non-academic jobs will require nothing more than a Working Diploma. Librarians, secretaries, retail, cleaning... none of these require advanced, off-the-job training and so are available to all individuals with a Working Diploma. Additionally, one does not require a Working Diploma to publish material to the marketplace and survive on their own merits.

Various locations would be optimized for specific tasks. Various large locations, at that. Entire town economies could be made from the export of goods, and very large portions of current continents would be designated to production of goods. An example would be country sized greenhouses growing and providing fruit, vegetables, and meat, all of healthy standard, to the various parts of the world. This, in conjunction with the robust economy, should allow all families to sit down to dinner each night.

Another of these locations is much less savory, however. In order to function as a peaceful society, zero tolerance must be provided for those who would slay or rape their fellows. A large area of approximately one-hundred square miles shall be blocked by an enormous wall, three hundred feet high and on hundred feet thick. This wall will have no doors in or out of the blocked out area. This area of one-hundred square miles will be signal jammed, completely isolating it from the outside world except for the guards perched atop the wall, firing at individuals who attempt an escape. There is no place in our economy to provide for an individual who would spend their entire life locked up in a prison, leeching on the finances of others. Those who receive life sentences will simply be dropped into this Dead Zone, where they must fend for themselves without technology.

In the event that evidence is later brought to light proving the innocence of an individual dropped to the Dead Zone, a warrant will be put in the zone. A reward of food or drink, or perhaps a week away from the Dead Zone, will be offered in exchange for the arrival of the unharmed and now-innocent individual. If the individual is lost... it is unfortunate. They will be given an honorable and universally broadcasted burial, and their families will be heavily compensated.

Those who kill or rape, even while in a bout of insanity, are clearly unfit to be a part of society. They will be relocated to the Dead Zone, mentally unstable or not.

Additionally, drugs will now largely be legally salable and consumable to and by those with a Working Permit. Restrictions will be placed and enforced on the public use of these, just as there are such restrictions on public drunkenness. It is only the concern of the individual should they choose to consume such devices.

I must return to something previous. Rape is a very interesting case that will need to be looked into with special care. Distinctions will have to be drawn between various forms of rape, with only violent or child rape resulting in a sentence to the Dead Zone. Not to say that not all rape is extremely damaging, but there is a difference between forcing someone down and coercing them. Coercers will not be free. We still have prisons for that.

Now, away from the topic of lawbreaking.

Those in the possession of a Working Permit are fit to perform occupational duties, and as such, are fit to begin families. Instead of an age of consent, it is a license of consent. All individuals of all ages in possession of a Working Permit are free to engage in any activities they so desire. They are to be considered and treated as working adult individuals. Despite this, there is a policy of four years for individuals below twenty.

Guns are not to be owned and operated by civilians with a few exceptions, largely because of this society's very strict criminal policy. Firearms are available only to business owners, for the defense of their business, hunters (only during their stay in designated hunting areas), and for those who feel that satisfaction of squeezing the trigger: highly monitored shooting galleries. Firearms will also, naturally, be given to military personnel and law enforcement.

Duels will be legalized yet again, and the victor of a duel will not be tried on the case of murder. Provided that both participants have registered an acceptance of the duel, and are performing the confrontation in a federally sanctioned location where there is no chance of harming civilians, the duel can be carried out upon the terms designated by the registration.

I believe that is all for now.. perhaps I will return later...

Original thread here.

How would you rule the world? Would you rebel against my regime? Let me know in the comments below.

Coldest Nightmare

I stare at the cold day,
Through the frosted screen.
In the snow she stands,
A figure too seldom seen.

I forget to breathe,
For just a moment.
Pound the glass.
And immediately lament.

She looks at me,
Shakes her head,
Then turns away.
My heart feels dead

Don't Mind Me

Poems, 1916-1918

Kindle

The Bat and the Weasels (Chatspeak Translation)

Kindle

Literature Review: The Spiderwick Chronicles: The Field Guide by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi

The first entry to the Spiderwick Chronicles is a short book with very little story at all. To be blunt, there is very little in the way of character development and a whole lot in the way of excessive descriptive padding. Each of the character's has quirks that make them unique and identifiable, except for Jared, the protagonist, who has very little that makes him special. Both his mother and sister are needlessly rude and easily dislikable characters who should probably be hauled off by child services.

There is a nice bit of background on why the Grace children are moving to a new town, and why they are without father. And thankfully, these backgrounds aren't obviously spelled out. They're just vague and obvious enough to get the mind toying with possible scenarios, and are probably good at getting the target audience's (children's) minds working.

As for actual story, like I said, there isn't much. What Holly took 107 pages to write probably only needed fifteen or thirty. The mustard on the cake is how unsatisfying and rushed the resolution is. It just kind of... happens. And then it's over.

Pacing is stilted, and there isn't a whole lot in the way of immersion. While reading the book, you will constantly be aware of the fact that you are reading a book. There will be absolutely no moments where you feel as if you are part of the world.

The writing style reminds greatly of The Chronicles of Narnia, though it is simpler or maybe simply less practiced. It has that old timey storybook feel, and despite it's faults, that makes it a nice book to snuggle up with late at night.

Final verdict: There are better books out there, but The Field Guide will probably only take an hour or two to read. This is perfect between book material for fantasy fans, especially those who aren't afraid to be seen reading a childrens book.

VERDICT:

3/5

Goodreads

Classic Comics Collection, Volume 2

Kindle

Rapunzel

Literature Review: Mr. Messy by Roger Hargreaves

Mr. Messy is one of those charming little Mr. Men books that almost all people should be familiar with. If these books didn't plague your childhood, I suspect you aren't Earthen. Unfortunately the nostalgia glasses were thick when it came to Mr. Messy and his pals Mr. Neat and Mr. Tidy, and while the small book is good for children in that it's okay for them to read it, to have it read to, and to practice reading with, it isn't on the top of the list.

Of course being a childrens book there are things that must be either excused or appreciated in a different light as opposed to books for an older audience. Mr. Messy is light and quick, but not lightly or quickly paced. The dialogue is basic and while there is a little fun going on between the sentence finishing best friends Mr. Neat and Mr. Tidy, the prose is just flat. Books by Dr. Seuss, for example, have a bouncing joyful energy to the words and the word choice and the sentence structure but Roger Hargreaves' Mr. Messy doesn't feel fun at all. It just kind of is.

The next problem the book has is the less than clear moral, which is a bit interesting since the book is about cleaning. See, the conflict of the story is that Mr. Messy doesn't want to be Mr. Clean. Mr. Neat and Mr. Tidy force themselves on him and his home and wash and brush and clean and scrub and comb it spotless. And what's the resolution? Does Mr. Messy kick them out and learn to appreciate and respect himself for who he is, delivering a Sesame Street worthy monologue about being an individual and loving who you are?

Yeah-no. No he doesn't. No, the story ends with him submitting to the pseudo-rape of Mr. Neat and Mr. Tidy and liking it. The conflict is resolved when the protagonist learns to conform and make everybody else feel much better who they are and hide who he is.

What kind of message is that for kids? What?

This tale of the unfortunate loss of identity and innocence is accompanied by some simple drawings which are a little too simple. Any kid with a Crayola marker could draw them, and maybe that's the point, but it just cheapens the story.

I do have to say that I like Mr. Messy's character design. He's a big pink ball of squiggles with a smiling face, what's not to love? Sure, it isn't the most original look, but it suits the Mr. Men world and is charming all the same.

Who aren't charming? Mr. Neat and Mr. Tidy. They wear opposing suits, Mr. Neat in white and Mr. Tidy in black, in bowler hats. Except for whatever reason, Mr. Neat wears a black hat as well. That does seem at all neat and tidy to me. Worse than contradicting their own reason for living, Mr. Neat and Mr. Tidy are humans! Humans in the land of the Mr. Men! Unheard of! Unthinkable! Unacceptable! Average humans have no place in the world of Mr. Men. They're out of place and uninspired, and even as a child I thought that.

In closing: Mr. Messy is a weak addition to the Mr. Men line, and it won't be teaching kids anything useful. Pick it up if your young one is a fan of the franchise or you're like me and just eat up childrens books.

VERDICT:
2/5

Goodreads

Literature Review: Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

Perhaps I am desensitized, but I did not find the novellas (and one novelette) to be scary in the least. I really don't understand why everyone seems to think these are so scary, because they really aren't. Gothic? Oh totally. Modern-era gothic at its finest. Scary? Not so much. But don't let that scare you away from this collection, because you'd be doing yourself a disservice.

"1922" is definitely the strongest link in this chain, so it's only fitting that King leads into the anthology with it. Probably the greater factor in setting "1922" apart from the rest of the collection is its setting: the year of 1922. Because of this the story doubles (or triples) as a gothic/horror/historical piece, and a big part of its charm, its allure, is the setting of a decade not too different from our contemporary time, but different enough to completely change the way logic and law worked. My one complaint here, with "1922" is that King has unfortunately confused gore and horror, and it is more likely to squick you than scare you.

Now the rest of the anthology are all enjoyable stories. They're all stories I would happily read multiple times over, which is a big contributing factor to the four stars I've given this anthology. Despite their flaws, they were fun and written well enough where I would do that, which automatically puts them at a level above most other works.

Unfortunately "Big Driver"--while a fun read--suffers from quite a bit of incoherence and inconsistence. It definitely needed another editing glance for structure, because King clearly couldn't keep track of how many days had passed in the story, and what day in the story the events he'd mentioned happened. This will jar quite a few readers out of the experience, and pulls the entire anthology down with it. And it really sucks, because "Big Driver" was a good story otherwise.

"Fair Extension" is, well, fair. It's not a story so much as a rather large infodump, which is enjoyable to some. Actually, infodump is a tremendous problem throughout the anthology, but I'll talk about that later. For now just "Fair Extension." The story doesn't really contribute much to the collection, or itself. There isn't anything in the way of character development. It's kind of all rising action with no resolution. No fall, no descent. It's almost like King brought you up to the climax and ran away from the mid-book drag, typing "The End" before you'd even reached the top of the mountain.

The only interesting part of that tale is the fact that it features a sharp-toothed supernatural who just so happens to live in Derry, home to one of King's most powerful and menacing monsters. Whether there's any connection between them is total speculation (although the "Afterword" does mention both entities, which I'm sure is a wink and a nod.)

"A Good Marriage" wraps the collection nicely, representing the theme of normal people facing themselves with abnormal, or at the least unsavory, situations. Unfortunately, unlike "1922" and "Big Driver" "A Good Marriage" seems to be devoid of emotion. It reads almost like one sociopath examining and criticizing another who was simply less able to fit in to society. Things just happen, and it's left to you to accept the deadpan emotional adjectives at face value.

In retrospect, I think I'll be knocking that four stars back to the three I had originally intended. While I will definitely enjoy many rereadings of this entire collection, it harbours far too many errors to ignore. Which brings us to infodumps and King's "tell-don't-show" approach.

I personally don't mind "tell-don't-show" in storytelling. In my opinion that's what a story is and what does, it is told. "Tell-don't-show"--the opposite of conventional wisdom for those who don't know--seems to have been the norm in a time not terribly long ago, and probably for good reason: sometimes things just get too messy if you don't say it like it is.

And while an infodump is okay with relevance, King has this delightful tendency not to do that. This has plagued him since his earliest days, and seems to continue to follow him. While I applaud his ability to stick to his guns and write just how he darn wants to, the dumps can be a bit much. There's a lot of useless information shoved at us that does little more than boost the wordcount and hamper the story progression. In some instances, such as the error with "Big Daddy" above, King himself seems to have become confused by the dump. Sometimes these dumps can go on for pages, and while a few of them would have been okay as there are a few that give some interesting insights as to the characters we follow, most of them are extraneous and the pieces would have been better off without.

There is one other theme I noticed throughout Full Dark, No Stars, one that is nearly as prominent as the psychosis of the average individual: marital mistrust and a disdain for women. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but there is a lot going into these stories and the relationships that leads me to suspect, not that King is a misogynist, but that something might be a tad unruly between Steve and Tabby.

The collection wraps up nicely with an "Afterword" by Stephen King which talks a little about how he came up with some of the ideas for the stories as well as the general theme he was working with when writing them. It also goes into some of his views on professionalism in the writing industry, which are pretty rough and hardassish, and just really aren't all that fun to read because it sounds like King is scolding you the whole time. Like an upset parent who can't, or rather won't, understand why their child has done such things.

"Afterword" and errors aside, Full Dark, No Stars is a good anthology of work by Mr. King, and those with any interest or inclination for gothic, horror, or psychological thrillers should go out to their libraries, pick this up, and give it a taste test. It'll be worth it.

VERDICT:

3/5

Goodreads

Fanfiction Review: Tomorrow Morning by Shaula Al Nair

There isn't a whole lot to choose from as far as Pikmin fanfiction is concerned. Really there's just a handful of material to choose from at all, and even of that material only a small amount is actually finished. Most of it is the unfinished wet dream most fanauthors are known for leaving to rot in cyberspace. Those that are finished tend to be short stories, and this is one of them.

Tomorrow Morning is a short tale featuring a Red Pikmin protagonist as it observes the way its world and its colony have changed due to the influences of Olimar. While short, the story takes an interesting perspective on a subject only hinted at by the games themselves.

What Shaula Al Nair has done well has been done well, but unfortunately it's held down by inconsistencies, a grammatical hurricane, unwelcoming references and "gamey" description. While fans of the material may chuckle at some of these references, they aren't presented in a way that people unfamiliar with the franchise will even be able to decipher. Also unfortunate is the clunky phrasing of the sentences, which don't have a whole lot of flow and can sometimes be totally confusing until explained.

Ultimately Tomorrow Morning is a piece of Pikmin fiction that fans of the franchise will enjoy for the short time it takes to read, but it has little place as a wholly literary piece. That probably doesn't matter to most, but in my book that makes the tale a regrettable miss.

VERDICT:

2/5

Goodreads
Fanfiction.net

Cheated

Am I selfish for feeling empty?
I can't help but wonder
As I lay down to rest.
The cold has settled in me,
My plans completely foiled.
For weeks I had longed, ached for this day
But when it comes, the light is yanked away.
Why did I awake at all?
Oh yeah,
Because today was going to be special
Today was going to be great!
But no, not in my life.
Screw you, Fate.
Just once, for one day
I'd like something to be right.
Is that so wrong? So selfish?
That just once I want my plan to not be
Crumpled, destroyed, stomped, crush, spat on?
Of course it is.
Why would it not?
It's just myself at the center of that thought.
But still I can't help but feel
Cheated
Cheated out of the one potentially good day,
Cheated out of warmth
Cheated out of rest.
But over years, I have grown weary of this cheating.
So now I place my thoughts to sleep,
My heart hardly beating.

Classic Comics Collection, Volume 1

Kindle

Momochrome

The Wolf and the Lamb (Chatspeak Translation)

Kindle

Literature Review: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

Clare takes a while to get really get in the water. She spends a long time dipping her toes in the pool, and until she really settles in with the temperature the book is held down by some sloppy phrases, sentences cut short, and needless scene breaks. Some of these still carry through to the end, but they become much less jarring once her writing really picks up and the story has gotten itself off the ground.

City of Bones is best read with the idea that you're "watching" an anime series, or perhaps a supernatural series like True Blood works as well. The real gist is that the story feels like multiple connected stories, and I don't mean that just because of the three individual parts. It genuinely feels like a series of multiple episodes, which isn't a detriment in any way. It makes the book a little easier to read than one that is just a straight 500 pages of one story.

While I do feel this book is worth a read to fans of anime, comic books, things that are really flashy and have lots of combat and end-of-the-world stakes, it suffers from dropped plot threads and Band-Aid solutions when it remembers them. There is one point during the story where a major character is critically injured, and shortly after that our heroine (Clary) is swept into events which forces her to abandon him. Seemingly only for a minute, mind you. Unfortunately that minute becomes days, and during those days she does not once think about her ailing friend. The last she sees of him is an unconscious and bleeding husk in a bed, with no medical attention, and she doesn't give one single sentence to concern that he hasn't dead. This is made even more outrageous when just pages ago she was wracked with guilt because he was gravely injured because of her.

Another--not a plot thread, but I'd call it a thought--shows up in the fifteen (or so) page epilogue which is never resolved by the end. Admittedly, this could be because the scenario will be addressed early on in the second book, as I know this is a series, but it leaves this particular title feeling somewhat incomplete, which kind of diminishes the whole point of having an epilogue in the first place.

The characters are fairly real, for the most part. The family dynamic--and I don't feel I'm ruining anything by saying this, although this may be a tad spoilerific for some--screams of Star Wars. While that does ring up the intensity, it's been a little too Holleywood for some time now, and seems to cheapen things overall. However, despite this flaw, Clary and her supporting cast (in particular regards to the character Simon) are living, breathing human beings. Many of which are far too confident and whose arrogance easily becomes grating, but hey, people are like that and that just shows how well written they are. Of course, Clary occasionally suffers from what I call "Total Idiot Syndrome" which is when a protagonist does something so ridiculously stupid I can't imagine a living person would actually reach those conclusions or perform those actions.

This breathing cast can, however, be disappointing at times. This is most noticeable when two of your favorite characters die off in the same event towards the end of the book. This is even more disappointing when these characters had maybe twelve lines and two or three pages between them, and somehow they were awesome enough to make it onto the top characters list. Which in this book is something, because there's enough characters bouncing around to write an encyclopedia on. Also, my favorite ones died.

The main antagonist and his two lackeys are also afflicted with an identified literary disease. This one I dub "Bwahahaha I'm The Villain Syndrome." In this disease, the villain acts all too predictably like the villain, and all too predictably like a slimy rat. These villains can be replaced with the names Bowser, Ganondorf, Ashnard, Jaffar, Voldemort, Frieza, Lex Luthor... Take your pick, I've got more. You've seen them both before, and when you get to meet them up close and personal... You're just going to wish they'd go away so the original story can continue. They take up far too many pages for characters with far too little... character. Much like how this paragraph has used far too many ellipses for anything... ever.

Clear influences and unthoughtful plot resolutions aside, the book will take you for a pretty awesome ride. You'll meet all sorts of Downworlders you won't soon forget, find your friends becoming all manner of beast before your very eyes, and realize that by the end of it you actually feel like you have five or six new friends. Or, if you're a normal person, that this particular reviewer is a schizophrenic, but do we really want to split hairs?

I give this book three stars for its rocky start, awkwardly ended sentences, and unsatisfying reveals, but also its charming cast, slew of personality, refreshing and easy narrative structure, and the permanent spot it's gaining on my shelf. Once I buy it. This one belongs to the library. But if I were a crappy patron, it'd stay on my shelf!

VERDICT:

3/5

Goodreads

The Monster Doesn't Matter

Now here's one of the huge disconnects between an audience and a (if I recall it was a) horror film, or a book, or a video game. The central focus of the media is [insert monster] killing [insert jock], [insert slut], [insert other slut], [insert sleaze], [insert poor nerdy kid], [insert parent], [insert love interest] usually in that order with some variation. So now the audience has the idea that this "monster" has to be something terrifying and spectacular, and they find themselves utterly disappointed when at the end of the film (book, comic, or game) the monster's mere appearance doesn't leave little terror turds tossing through their trousers.

What they don't understand is that it's never going to. At the climax of the film, the monster is at its least terrifying because by that point the movie is about facing your fears and realizing it isn't that scary after all. With the exception of literally everything by Hitchcock, the climax is when the hero(usually -ine) realizes how to defeat the beast that's been hunting him(usually her) this whole time. And from that point onward it's a metaphor for overcoming your fears so when you finally see the monster it isn't supposed to be scary because now it can be beaten.

Did I drill that in hard enough? The monster is not the scary part of the movie. It's just the convenient plot device to film all the other scary shit and the metaphor to make it all go away.

The part of the movie (or game or comic or book) that seeps under your skin and makes your flesh crawl is everything around the monster. It is never the kill that does the scaring (with the exception of the shock-kill. Y'know, like a screamer.) it's everything leading up to the kill. It's the thinness of the air, the shallow breaths, the heavy chugs of the panting and exhaustion. It's the crackle of the leaves under your feet, the snap of twigs to the left, and that suddenly arctic air clinging to the sweat on your back.

When you're alone in the woods, or in your house at night and you think something freaky is going down, what scares you most, what builds the flight response in your brain to dizzying proportions, is how freaking loud you're being trampsing around in the darkness. Because it can hear every little move you make. You accidentally twitch your finger? The fucker knows where you are. That's how your mind works, and that's the part of (this time, particularly games) that will excite and terrify your senses.

The rare instance where the monster itself is terrifying is almost never because of what the monster looks like, but because of how they act or what they do. Pennywise the Clown doesn't look terrifying at all (or he shouldn't, but I have a bit of coulrophobia. Nobody else has an excuse.) but you're scared shitless of him because he's going to make fun of you while breaking your bones one at a time, and then eat your heart while you're still very much awake. Sleeping hearts lose flavor, you see.

Kayako is one of the few visually startling movie "monsters", but even she wouldn't have been nearly as pants pissingly terrifying without her classic bone-rattling groan. She also can crawl up under blankets without you knowing, so don't even think about hiding there. But that has nothing to do with how she looks, does it? That has everything to do with taking away everything you ever knew about saving yourself from monsters. The blanket has forsaken you.

Jason is not scary. Actually, I'd go right up, give him a hug, and ask to be friends. He doesn't really want to kill everyone, he's just lonely. Freddy is not scary. He's just a short little guy, and the second you see him you know you're asleep. Who controls the dream now, dickhole? Myers is not scary. If you aren't related to him, simply stand to the side and watch him march on by.

Atmosphere is the key. It is all about the atmosphere. The shrillness of the violins in the music, the emphasis of the silence, and the bumps and thuds eerily similar to a beating heart. That's what gets people. Oh, there's also this:

Sleep tight!

Captain Lou

A rocket ship sailing across the sky,
with young Captain Lou waving
as he passed the planets by.

Stars whizzed by, and blinked out of sight,
as did comets and meteors and suns
and moons as he zipped through the night.

Beyond the reaches of the stars,
above Mercury,
and below Mars.

Away he went where none had gone,
and for many days he carried on,
until at last Lou came to see:

A rocket ship sailing across the sky,
with young Captain Lou waving
as he passed the planets by.

Stars whizzed by, and blinked out of sight,
as did comets and meteors and suns
and moons as he zipped through the night.

Beyond the reaches of the stars,
above Mercury,
and below Mars.

Away he went where none had gone,
and for many days he carried on,
until at last Lou came to see:

A rocket ship sailing across the sky,
with young Captain Lou waving
as he passed the planets by.

Stars whizzed by, and blinked out of sight,
as did comets and meteors and suns
and moons as he zipped through the night.

Beyond the reaches of the stars,
above Mercury,
and below Mars.

Away he went where none had gone,
and for many days he carried on,
until at last Lou came to see:

MRAA

Rapunzel (Chatspeak Translation)

Kindle

Burden

Like the shoulders of Atlas
I hold the world
Or more accurately
The world steps on me.

Stomping, crushing, beating
Overall defeating
The thin bit of desire
To stand.

It presses down, not easing up.
I can feel my toes spreading,
My feet aching.
They won’t last long.

My ankles begin to scream
As the world grows heavy.
I can hold on for now,
But I won’t last long

I bend at the knees,
Until I fall.
Heart throbbing,
Sweat dripping.

Struggling, I begin
To rise once more.
But there’s a pain, a stab
In my chest

On my knees,
World on my back,
Heart torn open,
Bleeding profusely.

I feel myself begin to crack,
And I cry.
Sobbing, I think:
Is this the end? Will I die?

The world does not relent,
And for a while I fight,
But when I have no hope
Sleep seems nice.

Abstinence

I Can See Them All Around Me

It's been brought to my attention that I am being followed, and if my suspicions are correct, have been for some time. They think they're tricky, but I have the Sight now. At least, something similar to it. Their glamour can't shield them from me. But that's made them ever more careful. They melt into the shadows and disappear. I don't know what they want from me, but it can't be good. The way some of them sneer... so filled with disgust... No.. there isn't anything good for me if this keeps up.

I don't know why they're following me, but I suspect it has to do with Shrixie and Tixle paying me that visit back in March. Now might be a good time to mention that I may have lied a little bit when I mentioned seeing infinity. It's true that I can see almost every other realm, and every aspect of that realm, in our multiverse, but I can't quite see if anything exists beyond that multiverse, and maybe most importantly, I can't see all aspects of this universe. That's right. I can see almost everything that happens except for what goes on right under my nose. And that's a huge disadvantaged when you're being hunted by some scowling faeries.

Which brings up the next point: I might be able to see into their realm, but they live at the root of all things, and Yggdrasil creates a haze that makes that part of the multiverse rather foggy. I've seen enough, though, to know how the Faire Folk divide their territories into two groups (Seelie and Unseelie). If it's the Unseelie that hunt me, my time grows short, and it will not be a pleasant end.

I know there's a lot here I haven't explained very well. Most of you are probably wondering just what the heck a "Yggdrasil" is and what kind of fog it makes and wait a minute faeries? Multiverse? Yeah, yeah, I know. I've got an awful lot of explaining to do. But right now isn't the time for that. Actually, right now might be a good time to pretend I don't know any of that. But I can't. Not here, anyway. I can't lie to you. This universe will know the truth.

Even if I have to die.

Omanystar for Brawl

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Blank Page

This paper is blank
Except for blue lines
And a lonely red margin off to the side.
It has no words, no scribbles nor ink,
No doodles or stories or caricatures.
It is an empty page.
A lonely, blank sheet
In a book full of notes.

So I give the page life,
I’ll give it a soul!
I’ll fill it with scribbles, and notes,
And doodles, and ink!
Alone no longer those lines will be,
Homes to letters and words.
And this one page, no longer empty, now holds something the others do lack.
I have granted this page a heart.