Monday, August 20, 2012

Free Happiness for Sale!

Man, it's been ages since I've actually published something written by me! Fortunately, I've done just that! But more importantly: I've made it free for the next couple of days. If you want to understand what true happiness is, I encourage you not to miss out!

CLICK ME

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Woodsman's Wealth


KINDLE 

Bushwhacker's Bullet


KINDLE 

Murder Scare


KINDLE 

Shot in the Dark


KINDLE 

Pistol Packin' Preacher


KINDLE 

Death in Disguise


KINDLE 

Phony Loot


KINDLE 

Ole Faithful


KINDLE








Disassociate

Out of focus
False touch
Misleading smile
Cold shell

Where is the warmth?
The happy eyes?
The lasting caress?
Where are you?


Fleshy shadow
Shallow eyes
Silhouetted soul
Bitter breath


Now just a memory
Replaced by you
So unfamiliar
Who are you?


Letting go
With little care
After you brought me
Way out here


Where is this
This place so dark,
So empty, so cold?
Where am I?

Friday, August 17, 2012

Tin Toes

It's commonly thought among the Star Fox community that something a little sinister happens to a space pilot before they can fly a starfighter: their legs must be amputated and replaced with robotic prosthetics to allow their blood to circulate normally under the extreme g-forces of their starfighter. This makes a whole lot of sense, is pretty cool, and is supported by the fact that all of Star Fox (the team, not the franchise) is shown to have robotic legs in the artwork for the first couple of games. Take a look:

Foxinator!
See that? Everyone's got the same thin-ankled metal legs goin' on there. But wait, they couldn't do that to Krystal, could they? They couldn't ruin the hentai, could they? And what about the totally normal looking legs these guys have in later games?

Reg'lar boots.
Well, I've actually got a few theories about all of this. Of course, you should have known I did, considering I'm writing this blog about it right now. What, did you think I was just posting to let you all know I finally realized Fox McCloud is an amputee? Oh no. No, no, no, you silly child. Hear my wonderful theories. Hear them!

Let's start off with something that started showing up in Star Fox 64: the G-Diffuser system. It's pretty self-explanatory what this does, exactly. It's a system built into most starfighters, at least the Star Fox team's Arwing is equipped with them, that reduces the g-forces felt by the pilots while in the cockpit. This makes it theoretically possible for the starfighters to create a pseudo-atmospheric environment that wouldn't wash the blood out of a regular Lylatian's legs.

"That can't be true," the unimaginative ones say, "because Fox wouldn't have chopped off his legs if it were."

It's like you think the Star Fox games take place week to week. The truth is, more than an entire decade passes between Star Fox for the SNES and the series thusfar finale Star Fox: Command. At least one year has passed between Star Fox and Star Fox 64, but Fox and his team have all been pilots for quite a while longer, and it's probable that their amputations would have occurred during training in the Cornerian Flight Academy, or wherever else they learned to fly. This means that Fox and his crew have probably been legless for half a decade before we ever even know who they are. In the case of Peppy, he's been without toes for about thirty years.

"So what?"

So they had to be amputated at the time of the first game and during their training because the G-Diffuser hadn't been invented yet. It isn't around until Star Fox 64, so all pilots before then needed their legs gone. But here's the important part in regards to Krystal and the other pilots introduced after 64: They were entering the starfighter scene after the introduction of the G-Diffuser system. They don't need to chop off their legs.

"So what about Fox's organic legs in every game after Adventures? What the hell is up with that?"

Well, I've got a lot of theories for that. All of which are plausible considering how far advanced the Lylat System's technology is when compared to ours. The easiest explanation is this: they're wearing boots over their prosthetics, or they've ordered upgraded prosthetics to better mimic organic feet. It's not my favorite theory, but it's probably the most likely.

The second theory I'm going to share with you is a little more crazy, and a little more... between the lines, I guess. Ready for it? Stem cells.

At some point during the eight-year gap between Star Fox 64 and Star Fox Adventures someone discovered how to regrow limbs, probably through stem cells (or the Lylatian equivalent... which are probably still stem cells.) Of course, growing back limbs is an expensive process which would... explain why Star Fox are so dirt poor at the beginning of Star Fox Adventures that Slippy can barely keep ROB together. They spent their entire commission from defeating Andross on expensive operations to replace their amputated legs.

This also explains something else: Where the fuck Falco was throughout that entire game. It's possible that while his team was trying to scrape together lunch money, Falco was back on Corneria undergoing rehab to get used to his spankin' new legs.

So there you have it. Before people start accusing n00bs of not knowing about Fox's metal legs, or blasting Nintendo for forgetting their roots, let's try to think a little outside the box. After all, if our pitiful (in comparison) technology can advance so far in ten of our own years, imagine how quickly advancements must be made in the Lylat System.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Dirty Smile

You smile at me from across the room
That familiar, dirty, taunting smile
I leer back, maybe you’ll frown
But the shine in your eye lets me know
The smile will never turn down
And we stare off
Me, glaring, leaning off my seat
You, chiding, knowing you can’t be beat
Hour-long minutes pass, and I reluctantly surrender
Straighten my posture, scoop up my papers
And you’re staring at me
I can’t stand it!
How can you sit their grinning like a fool
All day long, every day, all week?!
Why can you smile so contentedly while I
Must sit here and suffer the tedious atrocity of this math?
Oh, my dear little monkey light,
You have no idea how I’d love,
     Simply love,
          To unplug you

Thursday, August 9, 2012

     "God save all here," said the man as he entered.
     Room was made for him at the fire. He no sooner came near it and tasted
the heat than a cloud of steam arose from him.
     "Man! but ye're wet," said Mrs. Kelligan. "One'd think ye'd been in the
lake beyant!"
     "So I have," he answered, "worse luck! I rid all the way from Galway
this blessed day to be here in time, but the mare slipped coming down
Curragh Hill and threw me over the bank into the lake. I wor in the wather
nigh three hours before I could get out, for I was foreninst the Curragh
Rock an' only got a foothold in a chink, an' had to hold on wid me one arm
for I fear the other is broke."
     "Dear! dear! dear!" interrupted the woman. "Sthrip yer coat off, acushla,
an' let us see if we can do anythin'."
     He shook his head, as he answered:-
     "Not now, there's not a minute to spare. I must get up the Hill at once.
I should have been there be six o'clock. But I mayn't be too late yit. The
mare has broke down entirely. Can any one here lend me a horse?"
     There was no answer till Andy spoke:-
     "Me mare is in the shtable, but this gintleman has me an' her for the
day, an' I have to lave him at Carnaclif to-night."
     Here I struck in:-
     "Never mind me, Andy! If you can help this gentleman, do so: I'm better
off here than driving through the storm. He wouldn't want to go on, with a
broken arm, if he hadn't good reason!"
     The man looked at me with grateful eagerness:-
     "Thank yer honour, kindly. It's a rale gintleman ye are! An' I hope
ye'll never be sorry for helpin' a poor fellow in sore throuble."
     "What's wrong, Phelim?" asked the priest. "Is there anything troubling
you that any one here can get rid of?"
     "Nothin', Father Pether, thank ye kindly. The throuble is me own
intirely, an' no wan here could help me. But I must see Murdock to-night."
     There was a general sigh of commiseration; all understood the situation.
     "Musha!" said old Dan Moriarty, sotto voce. "An' is that the way of it!
An' is he too in the clutches iv that wolf? Him that we all thought was so
warrum. Glory be to God! but it's a quare wurrld it is; an' it's few there
is in it that is what they seems. Me poor frind! is there any way I can
help ye? I have a bit iv money by me that yer welkim to the lend iv av ye
want it."
     The other shook his head gratefully:-
     "Thank ye kindly, Dan, but I have the money all right; it's only the
time I'm in trouble about!"
     "Only the time! me poor chap! It's be time that the divil helps Black
Murdock an' the likes iv him, the most iv all! God be good to ye if he has
got his clutch on yer back, an' has time on his side, for ye'll want it!"
     "Well! anyhow, I must be goin' now. Thank ye kindly, neighbours all.
When a man's in throuble, sure the goodwill of his frinds is the greatest
comfort he can have."
     "All but one, remember that! all but one!" said the priest.
     "Thank ye kindly, Father, I shan't forget. Thank ye Andy: an' you, too,
young sir, I'm much beholden to ye. I hope, some day, I may have it to do
a good turn for ye in return. Thank ye kindly again, and good night." He
shook my hand warmly, and was going to the door, when old Dan said:-
     "An' as for that black-jawed ruffian, Murdock - " He paused, for the
door suddenly opened, and a harsh voice said:-
     "Murtagh Murdock is here to answer for himself!" - It was my man at
the window.
     There was a, sort of paralyzed silence in the room, through which came
the whisper of one of the old women:-
     "Musha! talk iv the divil!"
     Joyce's face grew very white; one hand instinctively grasped his riding
switch, the other hung uselessly by his side. Murdock spoke:-
     "I kem here expectin' to meet Phelim Joyce. I thought I'd save him the
throuble of comin' wid the money." Joyce said in a husky voice:-
     "What do ye mane? I have the money right enough here. I'm sorry I'm a
bit late, but I had a bad accident - bruk me arrum, an' was nigh dhrownded
in the Curragh Lake. But I was goin' up to ye at once, bad as I am, to pay
ye yer money, Murdock." The Gombeen Man interrupted him:-
     "But it isn't to me ye'd have to come, me good man. Sure, it's the
sheriff, himself, that was waitin' for ye', an' whin ye didn't come" -
here Joyce winced; the speaker smiled - "he done his work."
     "What wurrk, acushla?" asked one of the women. Murdock answered slowly:-
     He sould the lease iv the farrum known as the Shleenanaher in open sale,
in accordance wid the terrums of his notice, duly posted, and wid warnin'
given to the houldher iv the lease."
     There was a long pause. Joyce was the first to speak:-
     "Ye're jokin', Murdock. For God's sake say ye're jokin'! Ye tould me
yerself that I might have time to git the money. An' ye tould me that the
puttin' me farrum up for sale was only a matther iv forrum to let me pay
ye back in me own way. Nay! more, ye asked me not to te tell any iv the
neighbours, for fear some iv them might want to buy some iv me land. An'
it's niver so, that whin ye got me aff to Galway to rise the money, ye
went on wid the sale, behind me back - wid not a soul by to spake for me
or mine - an' sould up all I have! No! Murtagh Murdock, ye're a hard man
I know, but ye wouldn't do that! Ye wouldn't do that!"
     Murdock made no direct reply to him, but said seemingly to the
company generally:-
     "I ixpected to see Phelim Joyce at the sale to-day, but as I had some
business in which he was consarned, I kem here where I knew there'd be
neighbours - an' sure so there is."
     He took out his pocket-book and wrote names, "Father Pether Ryan,
Daniel Moriarty, Bartholomew Moynahan, Andhrew McGlown, Mrs. Katty
Kelligan - that's enough! I want ye all to see what I done. There's
nothin' undherhand about me! Phelim Joyce, I give ye formial notice that
yer land was sould an' bought be me, for ye broke yer word to repay me
the money lint ye before the time fixed. Here's the Sheriff's assignmint,
an' I tell ye before all these witnesses that I'll proceed with ejectment
on title at wanst."
     All in the room were as still as statues. Joyce was fearfully still
and pale, but when Murdock spoke the word "ejectment" he seemed to wake
in a moment to frenzied life. The blood flushed up in his face and he
seemed about to do something rash; but with a great effort he controlled
himself and said:-
     "Mr. Murdock, ye won't be too hard. I got the money to-day - it's
here - but I had an accident that delayed me. I was thrown into the
Curragh Lake and nigh drownded an' me arrum is bruk. Don't be so close
as an hour or two - ye'll never be sorry for it. I'll pay ye all, and
more, and thank ye into the bargain all me life; ye'll take back the
paper, won't ye, for me childhren's sake - for Norah's sake?
     "He faltered; the other answered with an evil smile:-
     "Phelim Joyce, I've waited years for this moment - don't ye know me
betther nor to think I would go back on meself whin I have shtarted on
a road? I wouldn't take yer money, not if ivery pound note was spread
into an acre and cut up in tin-pound notes. I want yer land - I have
waited for it, an' I mane to have it! - Now don't beg me any more, for
I won't go back - an' tho' its many a grudge I owe ye, I square them all
before the neighbours be refusin' yer prayer. The land is mine, bought
be open sale; an' all the judges an' coorts in Ireland can't take it
from me! An' what do ye say to that now, Phelim Joyce?
     "The tortured man had been clutching the ash sapling which he had
used as a riding whip, and from the nervous twitching of his fingers I
knew that something was coming. And it came; for, without a word, he
struck the evil face before him - struck as quick as a flash of
lightning - such a blow that the blood seemed to leap out round the
stick, and a vivid welt rose in an instant. With a wild, savage cry the
Gombeen Man jumped at him; but there were others in the room as quick,
and before another blow could be struck on either side both men were
grasped by strong hands and held back.
     Murdock's rage was tragic. He yelled, like a wild beast, to be let
get at his opponent. He cursed and blasphemed so outrageously that all
were silent, and only the stern voice of the priest was heard:-
     "Be silent Murtagh Murdock! Aren't you afraid that the God overhead
will strike you dead? With such a storm as is raging as a sign of His
power, you are a foolish man to tempt Him."
     The man stopped suddenly, and a stern dogged sullenness took the
place of his passion. The priest went on:-
     "As for you, Phelim Joyce, you ought to be ashamed of yourself;
ye're not one of my people, but I speak as your own clergyman would if
he were here. Only this day has the Lord seen fit to spare you from
a terrible death; and yet you dare to go back of His mercy with your
angry passion. You had cause for anger - or temptation to it, I know -
but you must learn to kiss the chastening rod, not spurn it. The Lord
knows what He is doing for you as for others, and it may be that you
will look back on this day in gratitude for His doing, and in shame
for your own anger. Men, hold off your hand's - let those two men
go; they'll quarrel no more - before me at any rate, I hope."
     The men drew back. Joyce held his head down, and a more despairing
figure or a sadder one I never saw. He turned slowly away, and leaning
against the wall put his face between his hands and sobbed. Murdock
scowled, and the scowl gave place to an evil smile as looking all
around he said:-
     "Well, now that me work is done, I must be gettin' home."
     "An' get some wan to iron that mark out iv yer face," said
Dan. Murdock turned again and glared around him savagely as he
hissed out:-
     "There'll be iron for some one before I'm done. Mark me well!
I've never gone back or wakened yit whin I promised to have me
own turn. There's thim here what'll rue this day yit! If I am the
shnake on the hill - thin beware the shnake. An' for him what
shtruck me, he'll be in bitther sorra for it yit - him an' his!"
He turned his back and went to the door.
     "Stop!" said the priest. "Murtagh Murdock, I have a word to say
to you - a solemn word of warning. Ye have to-day acted the part of
Ahab towards Naboth the Jezreelite; beware of his fate! You have
coveted your neighbour's goods - you have used your power without
mercy; you have made the law an engine of oppression. Mark me! It was
said of old that what measure men meted should be meted out to them
again. God is very just. 'Be not deceived, God is not mocked. For
what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap.' Ye have
sowed the wind this day - beware lest you reap the whirlwind! Even
as God visited his sin upon Ahab the Samarian, and as He has visited
similar sins on others in His own way - so shall He visit yours on
you. You are worse than the land-grabber - worse than the man who
only covets. Saintough is a virtue compared with your act! Remember
the story of Naboth's vineyard, and the dreadful end of it. Don't
answer me! Go and repent if you can, and leave sorrow and misery to
be comforted by others - unless you wish to undo your wrong yourself.
If you don't - then remember the curse that may come upon you yet!"
     Without a word Murdock opened the door and went out, and a little
later we heard the clattering of his horse's feet on the rocky road
to Shleenanaher.
     When it was apparent to all that he was really gone a torrent of
commiseration, sympathy and pity broke over Joyce. The Irish nature
is essentially emotional, and a more genuine and stronger feeling
I never saw. Not a few had tears in their eyes, and one and all were
manifestly deeply touched. The least moved was, to all appearance,
poor Joyce himself. He seemed to have pulled himself together, and
his sterling manhood and courage and pride stood by him. He seemed,
however, to yield to the kindly wishes of his friends; and when we
suggested that his hurt should be looked to, he acquiesced:-
     "Yes, if you will. Betther not go home to poor Norah and distress
her with it. Poor child! she'll have enough to bear without that."
     His coat was taken off, and between us we managed to bandage
the wound. The priest, who had some surgical knowledge, came to the
conclusion that there was only a simple fracture. He splinted and
bandaged the arm, and we all agreed that it would be better for
Joyce to wait until the storm was over before starting for home.
Andy said he could take him on the car, as he knew the road well,
and that, as it was partly on the road to Carnaclif, we should only
have to make a short detour and would pass the house of the doctor,
by whom the arm could be properly attended to.
     So we sat around the fire again, whilst, without, the storm
howled and the fierce gusts which swept the valley seemed at times
as if they would break in the door, lift of the roof, or in some
way annihilate the time-worn cabin which gave us shelter.
     There could, of course, be only one subject of conversation
now, and old Dan simply interpreted the public wish, when he said:-
     "Tell us, Phelim, sure we're all friends here! how Black Murdock
got ye in his clutches? Sure any wan of us would get you out of thim
if he could."
     There was a general acquiescence. Joyce yielded himself,
and said:-
     "Let me thank ye, neighbours all, for yer kindness to me and mine
this sorraful night. Well! I'll say no more about that; but I'll tell
ye how it was that Murdock got me into his power. Ye know that boy
of mine, Eugene?"
     "Oh! and he's the fine lad, God bless him! an' the good lad
too!" - this from the women.
     "Well! ye know too that he got on so well whin I sint him to school
that Dr. Walsh recommended me to make an ingineer of him. He said he
had such promise that it was a pity not to see him get the right start
in life, and he gave me, himself, a letther to Sir George Henshaw, the
great ingineer. I wint and seen him, and he said he would take the boy.
He tould me that there was a big fee to be paid, but I was not to
throuble about that - at any rate, that he himself didn't want any fee,
and he would ask his partner if he would give up his share too. But
the latther was hard up for money. He said he couldn't give up all fee,
but that he would take half the fee, provided it was paid down in dhry
money. Well! the regular fee to the firm was five hundhred pounds, and
as Sir George had giv up half an' only half th' other half was to be
paid, that was possible. I hadn't got more'n a few pounds by me - for
what wid dhrainin' and plantin' and fencin' and the payin' the boy's
schoolin', and the girl's at the Nuns' in Galway, it had put me to
the pin iv me collar to find the money up to now. But I didn't like
to let the boy lose his chance in life for want of an effort, an' I
put me pride in me pocket an' kem an' asked Murdock for the money. He
was very smooth an' nice wid me - know why now - an' promised he would
give it at wanst if I would give him security on me land. Sure he joked
an' laughed wid me, an' was that cheerful that I didn't misthrust him.
He tould me it was only forrums I was signin' that'd never be used" -
Here Dan Moriarty interrupted him:-
     "What did ye sign, Phelim?"
     "There wor two papers. Wan was a writin' iv some kind, that in
considheration iv the money lent an' his own land - which I was to take
over if the money wasn't paid at the time appointed - he was to get me
lease from me: an' the other was a power of attorney to Enther Judgment
for the amount if the money wasn't paid at the right time. I thought I
was all safe as I could repay him in the time named, an' if the worst
kem to the worst I might borry the money from some wan else - for the
lease is worth the sum tin times over - an' repay him. Well! what's the
use of lookin' back, anyhow! I signed the papers - that was a year ago,
an' one week. An' a week ago the time was up!" He gulped down a sob,
and went on:-
     "Well! ye all know the year gone has been a terrible bad wan, an'
as for me it was all I could do to hould on - to make up the money was
impossible. Thrue the lad cost me next to nothin', for he arned his
keep be exthra work, an' the girl, Norah, kem home from school and
laboured wid me, an' we saved every penny we could. But it was all no
use! - we couldn't get the money together anyhow. Thin we had the
misfortin wid the cattle that ye all know of; an' three horses, that
I sould in Dublin, up an' died before the time I guaranteed them free
from sickness" Here Andy struck in:-
     "Thrue for ye! Sure there was some dhreadful disordher in Dublin
among the horse cattle, intirely; an' even Misther Docther Perfesshinal
Ferguson himself couldn't git undher it!" Joyce went on:-
     "An' as the time grew nigh I began to fear, but Murdock came down
to see me whin I was alone, an' tould me not to throuble about the money
an' not to mind about the sheriff, for he had to give him notice. 'An','
says he, 'I wouldn't, if I was you, tell Norah anythin' about it, for
it might frighten the girl - for weemin is apt to take to heart things
like that that's only small things to min like us.' An' so, God forgive
me, I believed him; an' I niver tould me child anything about it - even
whin I got the notice from the sheriff. An' whin the Notice tellin' of
the sale was posted up on me land, I tuk it down meself so that the poor
child wouldn't be frightened - God help me!" He broke down for a bit,
but then went on:-
     "But somehow I wasn't asy in me mind, an' whin the time iv the
sale dhrew nigh I couldn't keep it to myself any longer, an' I tould
Norah. That was only yisterday, and look at me to-day! Norah agreed
wid me that we shouldn't trust the Gombeen, an' she sent me off to
the Galway Bank to borry the money. She said I was an honest man an'
farmed me own land, and that the bank might lind the money on it.
An' sure enough whin I wint there this mornin' be appointment, wid
the Coadjuthor himself to inthroduce me, though he didn't know why
I wanted the money - that was Norah's idea, and the Mother Superior
settled it for her - the manager, who is a nice gintleman, tould
me at wanst that I might have the money on me own note iv hand. I
only gave him a formal writin', an' I took away the money. Here it
is in me pocket in good notes; they're wet wid the lake but I'm
thankful to say all safe. But it's too late, God help me!" Here he
broke down for a minute, but recovered himself with an effort:-
     "Anyhow the bank that thrusted me musn't be wronged. Back the
money goes to Galway as soon as iver I can get it there. If I am a
ruined man I need'nt be a dishonest wan! But poor Norah! God help
her! it will break her poor heart."
     There was a spell of silence only broken by sympathetic moans. The
first to speak was the priest.
     "Phelim Joyce, I told you a while ago, in the midst of your passion,
that God knows what He is doin', and works in His own way. You're an
honest man, Phelim, and God knows it, and, mark me, He won't let you nor
yours suffer. 'I have been young,' said the Psalmist, 'and now am old;
and I have not seen the just forsaken, nor his seed seeking bread.' Think
of that, Phelim! - may it comfort you and poor Norah. God bless her! but
she's the good girl. You have much to be thankful for, with a daughter
like her to comfort you at home and take the place of her poor mother,
who was the best of women; and with such a boy as Eugene, winnin' name
and credit, and perhaps fame to come, even in England itself. Thank God
for His many mercies, Phelim, and trust Him."
     There was a dead slience in the room. The stern man rose, and coming
over took the priest's hand.
     "God bless ye, Father!" he said, "it's the true comforter ye are."
     The scene was a most touching one; I shall never forget it. The
worst of the poor man's trouble seemed now past. He had faced the darkest
hour; he had told his trouble, and was now prepared to make the best of
everything - for the time at least - for I could not reconcile to my mind
the idea that that proud, stern man, would not take the blow to heart
for many a long day, that it might even embitter his life.
     Old Dan tried comfort in a practical way by thinking of what was to
be done. Said he:-
     "Iv course, Phelim, it's a mighty throuble to give up yer own foine
land an' take Murdock's bleak shpot instead, but I daresay ye will be
able to work it well enough. Tell me, have ye signed away all the land,
or only the lower farm? I mane, is the Cliff Fields yours or his?"
     Here was a gleam of comfort evidently to the poor man. His face
lightened as he replied:-
     "Only the lower farm, thank God! Indeed, I couldn't part wid the
Cliff Fields, for they don't belong to me - they are Norah's, that her
poor mother left her - they wor settled on her, whin we married, be her
father, and whin he died we got them. But, indeed, I fear they're but
small use be themselves; shure there's no wather in them at all, savin'
what runs off me ould land; an' if we have to carry wather all the way
down the hill from - from me new land" - this was said with a smile,
which was a sturdy effort at cheerfulness - "it will be but poor work
to raise anythin' there - ayther shtock or craps. No doubt but Murdock
will take away the sthrame iv wather that runs there now. He'll want
to get the cliff lands, too, I suppose."
     I ventured to ask a question:-
     "How do your lands lie compared with Mr. Murdock's?"
     There was bitterness in' his tone as he answered, in true Irish
fashion:
     "Do you mane me ould land, or me new?"
     "The lands that were - that ought still to be yours," I answered.
     He was pleased at the reply, and his face softened as he replied:-
     "Well, the way of it is this. We two owns the West side of the hill
between us. Murdock's land - I'm spakin' iv them as they are, till he
gets possession iv mine - lies at the top iv the hill; mine lies below.
My land is the best bit on the mountain, while the Gombeen's is poor soil,
with only a few good patches here and there. Moreover, there is another
thing. There is a bog which is high up the hill, mostly on his houldin',
but my land is free from bog, except one end of the big bog, an' a
stretch of dry turf, the best in the counthry, an' wid' enough turf to
last for a hundhred years, it's that deep."
     Old Dan joined in:-
     "Thrue enough! that bog of the Gombeen's isn't much use anyhow. It's
rank and rotten wid wather. Whin it made up its mind to sthay, it might
have done betther!"
     "The bog? Made up its mind to stay! What on earth do you mean?" I
asked. I was fairly puzzled.
     "Didn't ye hear talk already," said Dan, "of the shiftin' bog on the
mountain?"
     "I did."
     "Well, that's it! It moved an' moved an' moved longer than anywan
can remimber. Me grandfather wanst tould me that whin he was a gossoon
it wasn't nigh so big as it was when he tould me. It hasn't shifted in
my time, and I make bould to say that it has made up its mind to settle
down where it is. Ye must only make the best of it, Phelim. I daresay
ye will turn it to some account."
     "I'll try what I can do, anyhow. I don't mane to fould me arms an'
sit down op-pawsit me property an' ate it!" was the brave answer.
     For myself, the whole idea was most interesting. I had never before
even heard of a shifting bog, and I determined to visit it before I left
this part of the country.
     By this time the storm was beginning to abate. The rain had ceased,
and Andy said we might proceed on our journey. So after a while we were
on our way; the wounded man and I sitting on one side of the car, and
Andy on the other. The whole company came out to wish us God-speed, and
with such comfort as good counsel and good wishes could give we ventured
into the inky darkness of the night.
     Andy was certainly a born car-driver. Not even the darkness, the
comparative strangeness of the road, or the amount of whisky-punch which
he had on board could disturb his driving in the least; he went steadily
on. The car rocked and swayed and bumped, for the road was a bye one,
and in but poor condition - but Andy and the mare went on alike unmoved.
Once or twice only, in a journey of some three miles of winding bye-lanes,
crossed and crossed again by lanes or water-courses, did he ask the way.
I could not tell which was road-way and which water-way, for they were
all water-courses at present, and the darkness was profound. Still, both
Andy and Joyce seemed to have a sense lacking in myself, for now and
again they spoke of things which I could not see at all. As, for instance,
when Andy asked:-
     "Do we go up or down where the road branches beyant?" Or again: "I
disremimber, but is that Micky Dolan's ould apple three, or didn't he cut
it down? an' is it Tim's fornent us on the lift?"
     Presently we turned to the right, and drove up a short avenue towards
a house. I knew it to be a house by the light in the windows, for shape
it had none. Andy jumped down and knocked, and after a short colloquy,
Joyce got down and went into the Doctor's house. I was asked to go too, but
thought it better not to, as it would only have disturbed the Doctor in
his work; and so Andy and I possessed our souls in patience until Joyce
came out again, with his arm in a proper splint. And then we resumed our
journey through the inky darkness.
     However, after a while either there came more light into the sky, or
my eyes became accustomed to the darkness, for I thought that now and again
I beheld "men as trees walking."
     Presently something dark and massive seemed outlined in the sky before
us - a blackness projected on a darkness - and, said Andy, turning to me:-
     "That's Knockcalltecrore; we're nigh the foot iv it now, and pretty
shortly we'll be at the enthrance iv the boreen, where Misther Joyce'll
git aff."
     We plodded on for a while, and the hill before us seemed to overshadow
whatever glimmer of light there was, for the darkness grew more profound
than ever; then Andy turned to my companion:-
     "Sure, isn't that Miss Norah I see sittin' on the sthyle beyant?" I
looked eagerly in the direction in which he evidently pointed, but for the
life of me I could see nothing.
     "No! I hope not," said the father, hastily. "She's never come out in
the shtorm. Yes! It is her, she sees us."
     Just then there came a sweet sound down the lane:-
     "Is that you, father?"
     "Yes! my child; but I hope you've not been out in the shtorm."
     "Only a bit, father; I was anxious about you. Is it all right, father;
did you get what you wanted?" She had jumped off the stile and had drawn
nearer to us, and she evidently saw me, and went on in a changed and shyer
voice:-
     "Oh! I beg your pardon, I did not see you had a stranger with you."
     This was all bewildering to me; I could hear it all - and a sweeter
voice I never heard - but yet I felt like a blind man, for not a thing
could I see, whilst each of the three others was seemingly as much at
ease as in the daylight.
     "This gentleman has been very kind to me, Norah. He has given me a
seat on his car, and indeed he's come out of his way to lave me here."
     "I am sure we're all grateful to you, sir; but, father where is your
horse? Why are you on a car at all? Father, I hope you haven't met with
any accident - I have been so fearful for you all the day." This was
spoken in a fainter voice; had my eyes been of service, I was sure I would
have seen her grow pale.
     "Yes, my darlin', I got a fall on the Curragh Hill, but I'm all right.
Norah dear! Quick, quick! catch her, she's faintin'! - my God! I can't stir!"
     I jumped off the car in the direction of the voice, but my arms sought
the empty air. However, I heard Andy's voice beside me:-
     "All right! I have her. Hould up, Miss Norah; yer dada's all right,
don't ye see him there, sittin' on me car. All right, sir, she's a brave
girrul! she hasn't fainted."
     "I am all right," she murmured faintly; "but, father, I hope you
are not hurt?"
     "Only a little, my darlin', just enough for ye to nurse me a while; I
daresay a few days will make me all right again. Thank ye, Andy; steady
now, till I get down; I'm feelin' a wee bit stiff." Andy evidently helped
him to the ground.
     "Good night, Andy, and good night you too, sir, and thank you kindly
for your goodness to me all this night. I hope I'll see you again." He
took my hand in his uninjured one, and shook it warmly.
     "Good night," I said, and "good-bye: I am sure I hope we shall meet
again."
     Another hand took mine as he relinquished it - a warm, strong one -
and a sweet voice said, shyly:-
     "Good night, sir, and thank you for your kindness to father."
     I faltered "Good night," as I raised my hat; the aggravation of the
darkness at such a moment was more than I could equably bear. We heard
them pass up the boreen, and I climbed on the car again.
     The night seemed darker than ever as we turned our steps towards
Carnaclif, and the journey was the dreariest one I had ever taken. I
had only one thought which gave me any pleasure, but that was a pretty
constant one through the long miles of damp, sodden road - the warm
hand and the sweet voice coming out of the darkness, and all in the
shadow of that mysterious mountain, which seemed to have become a part
of my life. The words of the old story-teller came back to me again
and again:-
     "The Hill can hould tight enough! A man has raysons - sometimes wan
thing and sometimes another - but the Hill houlds him all the same!"
     And a vague wonder grew upon me as to whether it could ever hold
me, and how!

Poems, 1916-1918

Poems, 1916-1918
Francis Brett Young

TO
EDYTH GOODALL


Remember thus our sweet conspiracy:
That I, having dreamed a lovely thing, with dull
Words marred it--and you gave it back to me
A thousand, thousand times more beautiful.

CONTENTS:

OUT OF PRINT

A memorial for my releases which are no longer available.


                        

Prothalamion

Prothalamion
Francis Brett Young

When the evening came my love said to me:
     Let us go into the garden now that the sky is cool,
The garden of black hellebore and rosemary,
     Where wild woodruff spills in a milky pool.

Low we passed in the twilight, for the wavering heat
     Of day had waned, and round that shaded plot
Of secret beauty the thickets clustered sweet:
     Here is heaven, our hearts whispered, but our lips spake not.

Between that old garden and seas of lazy foam
     Gloomy and beautiful alleys of trees arise
With spire of cypress and dreamy beechen dome,
     So dark that our enchanted sight knew nothing but the skies

Veiled with soft air, drench'd in the roses' musk
     Or the dusky, dark carnation's breath of clove;
No stars burned in their deeps, but through the dusk
     I saw my love's eyes, and they were brimmed with love.

No star their secret ravished, no wasting moon
     Mocked the sad transience of those eternal hours:
Only the soft, unseeing heaven of June,
     The ghosts of great trees, and the sleeping flowers.

For doves that crooned in the leafy noonday now
     Were silent; the night-jar sought his secret covers,
Nor even a mild sea-whisper moved a creaking bough--
     Was ever a silence deeper made for lovers?

The Wolf and the Lamb

The Wolf and the Lamb
Aesop
Translated by: George Fyler Townsend

Wolf, meeting with a Lamb astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on him, but to find some plea to justify to the Lamb the Wolf's right to eat him. He thus addressed him: "Sirrah, last year you grossly insulted me." "Indeed," bleated the Lamb in a mournful tone of voice, "I was not then born." Then said the Wolf, "You feed in my pasture." "No, good sir," replied the Lamb, "I have not yet tasted grass." Again said the Wolf, "You drink of my well." "No," exclaimed the Lamb, "I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother's milk is both food and drink to me." Upon which the Wolf seized him and ate him up, saying, "Well! I won't remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations."

Fire Emblem Duwha?

You probably don't know this, but I love me some Fire Emblem. Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn are a couple of my favorite games. I'll go right on out to admit that: I love Micaiah. Even if she can be a little snot sometimes. Sothe does not deserve her because his hair is green. But enough about that! I'm here to discuss in brevity a grave situation for us Fire Emblers. You see, at first I thought it would be awesome. The new Fire Emblem lets you play as (via DLC) the Lords from some previous Fire Emblem titles. Now, I don't know what the in-game visuals look like because I haven't been keeping tack since that abominable Shadow Dragon, but all I could imagine were Ike and Micaiah in the style of the glorious sprite art that graced my GBA so many moons ago. Actually it only ever graced my DS Lite, but I digress.

I then heard that the characters would be redesigned. The little worry bear in my brain began gnawing at some honey, but I tried to stay positive. After all, it's not like all the redesigns from Nintendo have been stupid and arbitrary lately, right? Then I saw this:


And now I'm torn in many, many directions. On the one tentacle, I hate this. Micaiah would not dress like this. Micaiah is now a queen, and a devoted lover to Sothe. She would not display herself in this manner. On another, I'm eating right into their marketing department's ploy, because (sorry, Dear. I still love you) that Micaiah is really, really hot. Like. I haven't been this aroused by an anime since I discovered puberty, and I was way big into hentai for about six years. Way big is an understatement, to give you some more perspective. So while I want to see the real Micaiah in her traditional Micaiah not-a-total-skank clothes, I have a rager begging me to buy this game right the hell now.

And the other worst part is: this is not a bad design. I would like this character design (even excluding ragers) if it were not Micaiah. So then I thought: "Well, Micaiah technically lives on another planet, so maybe this is some kind of alternate universe Micaiah? I could live with this being, like, Ultimate Micaiah or something."

But then I hear about some kind of dimensional gate and that, yes, this is Queen Micaiah. The Queen Micaiah that you made love Sothe and travel through a gigantic war to save the world from some stupid war goddess. This is THAT Micaiah.


Also, they made Ike anorexic. Ike's whole deal is that he's Goku. He becomes the strongest man. EVER. He is ripped so hard his chin has abs. But now? Now he's a stringbean. Not to mention that suddenly everyone feels ripped right out of Final Fantasy. Please, guys (this goes for Namco, too. I see you, Xilia) leave the ribbons and tassels and ridiculously implausible armor to Square, I beg of you! People who play Fire Emblem play Fire Emblem for Fire Emblem not for Final Fantasy with the gameplay of Fire Emblem they already made that it's called Final Fantasy Tactics. And I can't speak for everybody, considering Google and DeviantArt call me a liar, but not everyone plays Fire Emblem for Katawa Shoujo either.

Public Domain on the Kindle

Some of you might have noticed that I've recently been publishing some public domain stuff under my Tales of Antiquity line, and if you haven't that's okay. I suppose I should stop here to give a little forewarning that this post is going to be a tad unusual for me. I typically don't post about writing (well, except to tell you that I have been and where you can read it) or about the business scene behind the writing or the publishing, but I do notice a lot of confusion about Amazon's policies where public domain material is concerned. Now, I'll admit that I am not some guru or anything like that. I won't claim to know all the ins and outs of Amazon and their business practices. What I can do, however, is offer my interpretation of their public domain guidelines, which I feel make a lot more sense than some of the other stuff people are claiming. Hopefully you will, too.

So, let's start off by taking a look at the actual guidelines from the KDP:

"Selling content that is in the public domain is permissible through our program. We may request that you provide proof that your submitted material is actually in the public domain and may refuse public domain content already available through our Program or available through other retail sites.

In order to provide a better customer buying experience, our policy is to not publish undifferentiated versions of public domain titles where a free version is available in our store. We consider works to be differentiated when one or more of the following criteria are met:

• (Translated) - A unique translation
• (Annotated) - Contains annotations (unique, hand-crafted additional content including study guides, literary critiques, detailed biographies, or detailed historical context)
• (Illustrated) - Includes 10 or more unique illustrations relevant to the book

Books that meet this criteria must include (Translated), (Annotated), or (Illustrated) in the title field.

For example, "Pride and Prejudice (Annotated)" is acceptable, while "Pride and Prejudice (with an Introduction by Tiffany Gordon)" is not. The product description must also include a summary of how the book is unique in bullet point format at the beginning of the product description (maximum 80 characters).

While it's possible that other features may make books unique, we consider only public domain titles with the criteria noted above to be differentiated. Examples of some features we do not consider to be differentiated include a linked table of contents, formatting improvements, collections, sales rank, price, and freely available Internet content.

This policy was implemented in February 2011 and is applicable to both new and existing titles in the Kindle Store, which will continue to be enhanced to provide an optimal experience for buying customers.

If you have public domain books that are no longer offered because of this policy and you believe they are differentiated, please write to title-submission@amazon.com to specify how your books meet our criteria and we will again consider them for sale in the Kindle Store."
That is Amazon's public domain policy in full. If you don't believe me, you can go ahead and check their site for yourself right here.

Let's take this from top to bottom and just kind of digest what's going on here. It's actually a whole lot simpler than most other resources are going to try to lead you to believe.
"Selling content that is in the public domain is permissible through our program."
Public domain is totally something you can do. Don't be afraid to do it.
"We may request that you provide proof that your submitted material is actually in the public domain..."
This is reasonable, and not as difficult and nerve-racking as you might think. If they ask you to prove the authenticity of the public domain status of the work, just send them a couple sources telling them when the authors (or copyrights holders) perished or relinquished their claim, when the work was published, and anything citing that the work was not renewed for further copyright. They'll even give you a simple to understand list of what they're looking for, so don't worry about it. Do your research, you're good.
"...may refuse public domain content already available through our Program or available through other retail sites."
Now, this is important. They specifically make mention of possibly rejecting public domain content available through other retail sites. This means Project Gutenberg is not one of those sites. Essentially this is a non-compete clause telling you not to upload your book at sites like Smashwords or Barnes & Noble's PubIt platform. In other words: Keep it Kindle.
"In order to provide a better customer buying experience, our policy is to not publish undifferentiated versions of public domain titles where a free version is available in our store."
This is a lot to swallow in one big bite, so I'm going to break it down further. This is, after all, where everyone seems to be tripping up.
"...not publish undifferentiated versions of public domain titles where a free version is available in our store."
Here we are. See that? Everyone telling you that if the material is on Google Books or Project Gutenberg or any of the other billions of public domain book sites to leave it off of Kindle is wrong. This section very clearly states not to upload an undifferentiated work where a free version is currently available in the Kindle marketplace. They don't care if it's online or not, and I'm going to let you in on another secret:

They aren't doing this to "Clean up the spam" as many others have put it. This is yet another non-compete clause. Except this clause is one of non-competition between Amazon and you. Individual authors can't put books up permanently for free, only Amazon can. This means they don't want your copy distracting readers from theirs. That's really all this is. Sure, it will help to keep the spam offsite, but this specification serves one purpose: to keep the amount of free material easily visible to help push the Kindle platform to penny pinching consumers.

So if it's on Gutenberg but not on Kindle? Go for it. Don't even sweat. Format it all nice and pretty (really, do that. I'm sick to hell of table of contents that link me to the Gutenberg website, and even more sick of seeing that dastardly formatting.) and go for it.
"We consider works to be differentiated when one or more of the following criteria are met:

• (Translated) - A unique translation
• (Annotated) - Contains annotations (unique, hand-crafted additional content including study guides, literary critiques, detailed biographies, or detailed historical context)
• (Illustrated) - Includes 10 or more unique illustrations relevant to the book"
This part's easy too. If the work is currently available freely in the Kindle marketplace then you need to make your not-free version special. How can you do that? Well, they spell it all right out for you. Translate it into some language, craft your own little worksheets and study notes and essays (and this should account for about half the book or you're doing it wrong), or add ten unique illustrations.

Oh right, that's another thing people keep screwing up. Let me tell you all about that one.
"• (Illustrated) - Includes 10 or more unique illustrations relevant to the book"
See how I'm underlining again? That's because this is important. A lot of public domain publishing gurus are telling their users to go grab ten public domain images to slap into their repackaged works. This is clearly wrong. That word there, "unique", that means: not from anywhere else. Ever. Amazon does not want ten public domain pictures carelessly shoved between public domain prose. Amazon wants you to craft ten pictures specific to your copy of the book. If you don't believe me, there's a little something later on that people keep screwing up that supports this, so stay tuned.
"Books that meet this criteria must include (Translated), (Annotated), or (Illustrated) in the title field.

For example, "Pride and Prejudice (Annotated)" is acceptable, while "Pride and Prejudice (with an Introduction by Tiffany Gordon)" is not. The product description must also include a summary of how the book is unique in bullet point format at the beginning of the product description (maximum 80 characters)."
Admittedly this part confuses me, so I'm just going to gloss over it a little. I think what they mean is: Don't try to shove off an introduction as constituting a unique work. I know that they say to specifically include, for instance, the word "Translated" for translations, but with my Classic Tales Translated for the Cell Phone Generation I've just said "Translation" and there hasn't been any problems. Basically don't be misleading and you shouldn't run into an issue.
"While it's possible that other features may make books unique, we consider only public domain titles with the criteria noted above to be differentiated. Examples of some features we do not consider to be differentiated include a linked table of contents, formatting improvements, collections, sales rank, price, and freely available Internet content."
Okay, here we are at that other part throwing tons of people for a loop. I'm going to break this one down bit by bit. When I get to the one of special interest, you'll know because I'll suddenly sound angry and I might even swear a bit.
"...linked table of contents, formatting improvements, collections..."
Alright, you see all of these things here? Lots of people are taking this to mean: "If it's in the public domain, just making it pretty won't cut it." This is wrong. Again. People need to stop doing that. Remember how earlier I pointed out that Amazon doesn't give a rat's ass if the work is on Project Gutenberg? How they only care about undifferentiated versions of works that are currently available for free from the Kindle marketplace? That applies here. If your work is not currently for sale on the Kindle, feel free to just slap a table of contents on there, fix up the formatting (please, please, please, please, please), and collect them in as big a bundle as you want. You're in the clear as long as that work never becomes freely available by Amazon itself.
"...sales rank, price..."
If you think your sales rank differentiates your work, go get a reality check.
"...freely available Internet content."
Here! Here! Thisthisthis! This is the part that so many people are freaking tripping on! This is the part goes right the hell back to that unique images rule! Look look, it's plain as night and day, let me show you.

Lots of people are claiming this means something along the lines of: "Don't put content that is freely available from the internet on our store." This is so dead wrong I don't even know where to start, but it's kind of my self-appointed job to figure that out. Too many people think this is some dead shot in the eye of people scouring Project Gutenberg for republishable material. No, no, no. Go ahead and repackage all that stuff. What this part is telling you is that if the work is available in the Kindle marketplace do not stick ten public domain images on it and call it unique because that will make you a liar face. If your work is not freely available in the Kindle store throw it right the heck up there.

So to sum it all up in a neat little package, for all you tl;dr-ers: If the work is not available for free in the Kindle marketplace, you may republish it to your heart's content without making it special. If the work is freely available in the Kindle marketplace, you better make your copy real damn unique. Unique does not mean stitching together more public domain material.

I hope this clears some things up for a lot of people. There's just too much confusion and misinformation flying around when Amazon was crystal on what it is they're looking for in public domain material.