Thursday, January 12, 2012

Wasn't There A Turtlezord?

When I was a kid, I loved Power Rangers. Not the cruddy samurai things they're trying to pass of as spectral-costumed heroes these days, but the good, old Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. They were defenders of justice, simple designs, and arch enemies with the letter "G". These were the days of Jason, Trini, Zach, Billy, and Kimberly, and Tommy, the first live action Vegeta. Doggie Cruger? Is he related to Freddy?

Yes, yes he is.
Actually, I think I'll give Doggie a pass because his real name is Anubis. But anything else from this era (excluding Overdrive) is subject to the absolute worst kinds of torture the denizens of the internet can come up with. Go ahead. I gave you permission. Let's see it.

I take it back! I take it back!
For my whole life I would fondly look back and remember the good old days of Power Rangers, back before I knew what acting, plot, and special effects were. The days when my life was dancing around the living room butt naked pretending to be the Nakey Ranger, the god-like seventh Power Ranger who beat the snot out of Jason, was best friends with Tommy, and had absolute power over all eight of the original Dinozords.

Even the Turtlezord.

Tyrannosaurus. Sabertooth. Mastodon. Triceratops. Pterodactyl. Dragon. Long-Neck. Turt-
Nate, what the hell are you talking about?
Unless my memories are absolute fucking liars, there was a Turtlezord, and he served pretty much the exact same purpose as Titanus (the brachiosaurus) but didn't suck when it came to handling puddles. I also kind of remember him being a better shield than the mastodon head, but that memory is really fuzzy and not exactly to be trusted. The point is, I clearly remember a gold and green metallic turtle climbing out of the surf and having a brutalized Megazord climb in his back.

But the internet tells me I'm way off the mark on this one. The internet tells me "Unless you're talking about some shitty new Zord, you are a dumbass." I don't believe the internet for once in my life. This Turtlezord has been a fundamental truth to me since I was in diapers, and I'll not have the internet telling me how wrong I was. 

So I beg you, rest of the internet, tell me. Tell me, please, that there was a Turtlezord swimming around with the Dragonzord in Angel Grove Harbor. I need to hear these words.

Or a picture would be cool, too.

Image sources:
None of these sites appeared obscene, nor did they appear to link to anything obscene. If they do, in reality, link to anything pornographic in nature, or are in fact pornographic themselves, please let me know so that I can quietly pretend I never linked to them in the first place. Thank you.

EDIT: Almost immediately after making this post I discovered that I was thinking of Tor the Shuttlezord, who assisted the Thunder Megazord, not the Dino Megazord, which my memory had fumbled. Oh well.

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