Saturday, February 11, 2012

Headphones Aren't to Keep Sound Out; They're So We Don't Have to Hear Your Shit


That right there is a pair of headphones. Most people are familiar with them, and if they aren't it's because they were raised in a society that seems determined to force those dinky earbuds on us in place of the true music muffs. Regardless, they serve the same purpose, so all you Bud Babies (oh, an unfortunate name) better listen up as well.

Most people who have a long commute, or just love music, really don't want to hear the annoying crap the rest of the world has to say. Reading a book on the bus and being jabbed out of fantasy by some moron who feels that it is his moral duty to save you from the relentless boredom that brought you to the book in the first place is perhaps one of the single most annoying instances of having to live I have experienced. Thankfully a trusty pair of headphones lets the world know: "Hey, I'm in my own little world over here because you all suck. Leave me alone."

"No, I won't tell you what I'm reading."
Unfortunately it has recently been brought to my attention that headphones, despite being a sacred artifact for the socially uninitiated, creates a whole new breed of douchebag. The kind that think that if they can't hear the world, the world can't hear them. So obviously it's okay for them to scream "BABY BABY BABY NO!" louder than a cat in heat getting drilled by a horse.

What part of "headphones" means "public tolerance enhancer?" Headphones weren't invented to drown out the idiocy of the world (despite what I've stated above); they were invented so innocent civilians didn't have to be subjected to the monkey screeches blasting out of the boombox propped up beside your stupid face.

Seriously, turn the volume down.

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