Monday, April 2, 2012

5 Favorite Ground-Type Pokemon

So there's what? 700 Pokemon now? The Pokemon world's getting kind of full now. Some people out there might bitch about it, or about how the designs now suck, or what have you. Hey, I get it. I'm one of those people. But I had this zen realization one day: If I don't like it, I can just go right ahead and not use the ones I don't like. I have seven-hundred to choose from, nobody is making me use Magmortar or Rhyperior. Nobody. I am totally free to pick my favorites out of all those seven-hundred and use them to my heart's content.

I also cam to another conclusion: The biggest reason I hate the new, shitty Pokemon designs is because of the elite morons who piss all over me for wanting to use a Pachirisu. They're almost as bad as Jehovah's Witnesses.

Anyways, going back to my zen realization; here's my top five ground-type Pokemon.

5. Piloswine

Forgot to mention, this list isn't going to be exclusively pure or primary ground-type. Just Pokemon with ground as one of their two. And to push the point, there isn't anyone better than Piloswine!

This woolly warthog is one of the coolest Pokemon around. I didn't use him very much, but he's always been fairly memorable in my mind. There's just something comforting about his simple shapes and, well, pillowy fur. He just looks so nice and peaceful and terrifying if you're nine-years-old and have an under-leveled team and goddam this guy was like the abominable snow ass-kicker.

4. Excadrill

Excadrill is a newer Pokemon, and he probably would have been higher up on the list if I'd ever had the opportunity to play Black & White. Honestly, he almost didn't make it because Drilbur is just so damn adorable. But like Sandslash, Excadrill has that perfect combination of bad-ass, naturally placed, and beautifully simple. Any semblance of balancing those qualities has mostly been lost to the series, but Excadrill proves that there's still hope. Actually, looking at it now, Drilbur and Excadrill kind of feel like they fill Sandshrew and Sandslash's niche in another continent. That gives them another plus, as it adds a tick to the believability of the Pokemon world in general.

3. Diglett

Diglett was more of an anomaly to older gamesters. He and his elder brother.... things.... Dugtrio were kind of enigmas. What did they look like below the neck? How do they use Cut? Is that huge round thing their nose or their mouth or just some weird cyst? Well, the world doesn't seem to know, and it likely never will. All that is known is that Diglett's just baffling enough to stay strong in my mind, and I've always had a soft spot for the little oddities.

2. Donphan

Donphan has always been one of my favorite Pokemon, but I won't lie, it's probably because there's something perversely satisfying about that little clicking/suction noise he makes in his first anime appearance. Regardless of my audio preferences, Donphan is a pretty cool Pokemon. I mean, he's an armored pygmy elephant. What's not to love?

And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for. We've seen my four runner-ups for the best ground-type Pokemon of all time, and waiting just a scroll-click below is number one. Who could it be? What marvelous beast could have taken the top spot?

1. Sandshrew

You read that right. Sandshrew. That little yellow guy from season one who almost nobody gave a Rattata's-ass about. That's my favorite ground-type Pokemon. Why? I dunno, why does it matter? He's adorable, he's useful, and he's loads of fun to steal photos of in Pokemon Snap. Give me one reason why I shouldn't love Sandshrew. And if anybody here so much as mentions the word "Stats" I will gladly rip their throats out (or Diglett will do that for me. They're vampiric, you know.)

Runner-ups: Krookodile - Pupitar - Torterra - Nincada - Onix - Golem - Graveler - Nidoking - Nidoqueen - Rhydon - Rhyhorn - Hippowdon - Drilbur - Groudon - Phanpy - Marowak - Cubone - Dugtrio - Sandslash

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