Thursday, August 9, 2012

Fire Emblem Duwha?

You probably don't know this, but I love me some Fire Emblem. Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn are a couple of my favorite games. I'll go right on out to admit that: I love Micaiah. Even if she can be a little snot sometimes. Sothe does not deserve her because his hair is green. But enough about that! I'm here to discuss in brevity a grave situation for us Fire Emblers. You see, at first I thought it would be awesome. The new Fire Emblem lets you play as (via DLC) the Lords from some previous Fire Emblem titles. Now, I don't know what the in-game visuals look like because I haven't been keeping tack since that abominable Shadow Dragon, but all I could imagine were Ike and Micaiah in the style of the glorious sprite art that graced my GBA so many moons ago. Actually it only ever graced my DS Lite, but I digress.

I then heard that the characters would be redesigned. The little worry bear in my brain began gnawing at some honey, but I tried to stay positive. After all, it's not like all the redesigns from Nintendo have been stupid and arbitrary lately, right? Then I saw this:

And now I'm torn in many, many directions. On the one tentacle, I hate this. Micaiah would not dress like this. Micaiah is now a queen, and a devoted lover to Sothe. She would not display herself in this manner. On another, I'm eating right into their marketing department's ploy, because (sorry, Dear. I still love you) that Micaiah is really, really hot. Like. I haven't been this aroused by an anime since I discovered puberty, and I was way big into hentai for about six years. Way big is an understatement, to give you some more perspective. So while I want to see the real Micaiah in her traditional Micaiah not-a-total-skank clothes, I have a rager begging me to buy this game right the hell now.

And the other worst part is: this is not a bad design. I would like this character design (even excluding ragers) if it were not Micaiah. So then I thought: "Well, Micaiah technically lives on another planet, so maybe this is some kind of alternate universe Micaiah? I could live with this being, like, Ultimate Micaiah or something."

But then I hear about some kind of dimensional gate and that, yes, this is Queen Micaiah. The Queen Micaiah that you made love Sothe and travel through a gigantic war to save the world from some stupid war goddess. This is THAT Micaiah.

Also, they made Ike anorexic. Ike's whole deal is that he's Goku. He becomes the strongest man. EVER. He is ripped so hard his chin has abs. But now? Now he's a stringbean. Not to mention that suddenly everyone feels ripped right out of Final Fantasy. Please, guys (this goes for Namco, too. I see you, Xilia) leave the ribbons and tassels and ridiculously implausible armor to Square, I beg of you! People who play Fire Emblem play Fire Emblem for Fire Emblem not for Final Fantasy with the gameplay of Fire Emblem they already made that it's called Final Fantasy Tactics. And I can't speak for everybody, considering Google and DeviantArt call me a liar, but not everyone plays Fire Emblem for Katawa Shoujo either.

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