Sunday, November 4, 2012

Magnum Opus

Well, I've done it. I've created the greatest thing I will ever, in my entire future-history of living, will ever create. Let me tell you a little bit about just what that is.

Tonight I discovered something about Blogger's new updates: I discovered that if you keep scrolling down, you can load every single post from beginning to end on the same page. Granted, Chrome throws a huge hissy-fit when you do that, but who cares. Chrome handle it! Chrome's a man!

In any case, I got a little curious. I decided to see, just for shits and giggles, how many printer pages my blog occupied. But did I do the intelligent thing and use Chrome to do this? Of course not! I went to the very first word I ever published here on 2-Bit (back then it was called Gallery Lost), left my cursor behind it, jammed the shift key, and copied everything right up to Canteen Kate #2. And then I pasted it into OpenOffice. Which promptly had a seizure.

Something beautiful came of that seizure. I've done it, of course by mistake. But I have done it. I have, through the seizures of software, created the most beautiful piece of both literature and art the world has ever known. I can quit now, guys! I can quit! I'm done! My job as a writer is over! To hell with exclamation point rules! I'm retired! This masterpiece will leave me rich and wealthy well beyond my years!

It's the most beautiful fucking mess I've ever seen.

If you're some kind of software sadist, you can see it, too, because I made a PDF out of it.

Here ya go!


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