Am I selfish for feeling empty?
I can't help but wonder
As I lay down to rest.
The cold has settled in me,
My plans completely foiled.
For weeks I had longed, ached for this day
But when it comes, the light is yanked away.
Why did I awake at all?
Oh yeah,
Because today was going to be special
Today was going to be great!
But no, not in my life.
Screw you, Fate.
Just once, for one day
I'd like something to be right.
Is that so wrong? So selfish?
That just once I want my plan to not be
Crumpled, destroyed, stomped, crush, spat on?
Of course it is.
Why would it not?
It's just myself at the center of that thought.
But still I can't help but feel
Cheated
Cheated out of the one potentially good day,
Cheated out of warmth
Cheated out of rest.
But over years, I have grown weary of this cheating.
So now I place my thoughts to sleep,
My heart hardly beating.
