Monday, June 13, 2011

Waddle Dee Oh-Em-Eff-Gee

Kirby Wii has been announced and has every intent of hosting a farewell party for the Wii sometime in the mid-to-late Fall later this year. Kirby's bringing a few friends to the party. Most notable among the guests are the famed and fabulous King Dedede, the cool ghoul in the blue: Meta Knight, and the rolypoly, drippy, gloppy, sloppy, rock'em-sock'em master... Waddle Dee!

Mothafuckas, I'm awesome.
Waddle Dee is pretty cool as far as henchmen go. He can use just about every power the games have had to offer, and can turn a simple parasol into a weapon of untimely death. One of them even joined Kirby's ragtag group of planet-hopping treasure hunters in Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards after being faceraped by a demonic, one-eyed testical and transformed into one of his laser blasting older brothers.

The problem with making Waddle Dee a recurring major character is that Kirby has eaten more of them than Mario has meatballs, and that plumber pays his rent in meatballs. It's an even greater kick in the balls when producers (and Nintendo, you're a bit of a dick about this) choose to represent a generic enemy character over previously established singular characters who perfectly fit the role and have a legion of rabid fans demanding his immediate return.

Gooey Dooby-Doo, where are you?
You see, long ago, in a land far, far away, Kirby once had his very own Luigi. This character, a being that could do everything Kirby could do but derpier, was named "Gooey" because of the peculiar goo-like substance that his body was made of (read: Dark Matter.) In fact, Gooey is kind of related to the alien demon beast that faceraped Waddle Dee back on the N64, so it kind of justifies that character's existence because it's like he has a part of Gooey inside him. Also, he didn't take up a player slot.

Gooey isn't the first ally that Kirby's forgotten along the way (he also once had his own slew of Yoshies or Donkey Kongish animal buddies, and of course there's the gender confused Adeleine) but he is the most notable. He was the first character to use Kirby's copy and float abilities without Kirby around to help, and he was the first playable character to accompany Kirby. Gooey is also known to be Kirby's best friend, the Patrick to his Spongebob, so it's awfully nice of the pink powder ball to leave his buddy behind all the damn time.

Kirby's also teamed up with the arrogant Prince Fluff, and the sweet hearted fairy Ribbon. While Fluff hasn't had enough time to properly be abandoned, Ribbon hasn't been since videogames though 64-bits counted as 3D. Based off of this assessment, I've come to a soul-destroying conclusion:

Kirby's a whore!
Now that I've told you what I don't like about Kirby Wii I'll go ahead and let you all know that I am beyond stoked to see this game coming to the Wii, and hopping on the rekindling of old gameplay bandwagon to boot! The game looks like a very pretty sequel to Kirby Super Star, and since that game kicked so much ass, this game should kick twice as hard. It's also looking like there's quite a bit of influence from Kirby 64, which is also one of the better Kirby titles, so all around, Kirby Wii is going to blow everyone away.


Completely relevant to this entire post: earlier today my girlfriend gave me some rockin' Kirby figures. They're now chilling out with my little Nintendo family. She even gave me a pretty sweet King Dedede! :D

Oh noes! Ya'll can see my room!
So what do you guys think? Any Gooey fans out there who feel the blue blob deserves better? Who do you think should have been playable in Kirby Wii?

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