Sunday, August 14, 2011

Hentai: How Can You Get Off to a Drawing?

Hentai has been considered a sanctuary to nerds and a big, red bull's eye to jocks, cheerleaders, and backstabbing best friends for as long as anime has been swimming onto the United States shoreline. It is considered a dirty habit on par with obsessive drug use, and even as dirty as "real" porn (in most circles, anyways), and most of the poor, sexually frustrated, angst-ridden teens who watch it are left in their dark basements to feel like social outcasts and perform the deed in quiet, listening to the inaudible mental jeers of their nightmarishly manifested peers.

To those who aren't in-the-know, hentai as used in modern United States definition refers to pornographic material created in the form of anime. That is, big eyes, big hair, and big tits, and 100% cartoon.




Like this, but all the way naked.
And sometimes with tentacles...
Less often but still appropriate, hentai can refer to non-photographic pornography of any style, including American comics, American cartoons, paintings, and 3D animation. Anything that wasn't actual sex happening and recorded can be considered hentai, with the exception of literature, which is collectively known as "erotica." Which, I might add, is more widely accepted than either hentai or porn, for reasons unknown to man because only women read erotica. *Don't worry, I'll joke at male expense as well.*

It's pretty well known that men will be aroused by just about anything that is either round, wet, jug-like, or existing. *Told you.* So it makes sense that guys would find depictions of naked or scantily clad women arousing, and even moreso when those depictions are moaning, groaning, and making unappealing but already associated sloshing, wet, smacking sounds.




Eating these may produce a similar sound.
Another reason guys like sex.
Which makes it baffling that guys will berate other guys for... enjoying hentai. It might make sense for girls to make fun of guys for pleasuring themselves to drawings, except that a disturbingly large number of yaoi fangirls exist in the world, so that gender is no longer free to spit upon sexual desires. Also, erotica doesn't even have pictures at all. So, like... I dunno... Aha, you get off to words?




Shut up, guy.
Words are hot.
What's even more confusing to me is why people seem to think that hentai is somehow more perverted than real porn. The logic behind that thought just... isn't there. A close-up of the insides of a woman's vagina is still a close-up of a woman's vagina, whether it's drawn or not, and either way if you're masturbating to it, it's perverted. On an equal scale.




Watching this means you're a normal, healthy
curious teenager.




Watching this means you're probably a convicted
sexual predator.
I don't get it.

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