Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fantasy Smash Bros.

I can't hold it back any longer! There's an immeasurable pressure building behind my eyes, pain so blistering I slam my forehead on a hot burner to cool it down, and strange gremlin-esque ghosts climbing over the edge of my bed to eat my toenails at night. I am a thoroughly cooked nerd with ADHD that is, as the Power Rangers might have put it, too hot to handle.

Naturally, with this carefully baked souffle of scraps comes a certain aftertaste, one that some diners tend to pick up on right away because they eat in really small bites they smash into the roofs of their mouths, but most diners won't notice until they've gobbled up a few chunks because they're in some hurry to reach that magical state of obesity. Some of these diners will find this aftertaste unsavory, while others will wait patiently after each nibble for the warm juices to grab them by the throat.

For the next few months, the Chef's Choice aftertaste is going to be none other than "Super Smash Bros. Rabid a la Fanatic." You see, I have this terrible habit of spending hours daydreaming video games and just how I'd like them to be and what the perfect game in a franchise could be. Many of you probably did this same exact thing when you were six, but gave up your hopes of being a member of the legendary industry when Pokemon lost its cool and your dad punched you in the face until you watched football.

However, I, the great and powerful gripper-of-childhood, spends hours meticulously crafting elaborate diagrams, minute details, and even terrible tier lists with the misguided thinking only Nintendo and Disney could create: if I wish hard enough, it'll be real! While twenty years of failure has taught me that this is not the case, I will continue to dream, and dream hard! It does not matter that the game only exists in my daydreams, because dammit, those daydreams are fun as hell! And you know, maybe Nintendo will happen upon my blog and steal my ideas...

Without further adieu, I welcome you to a little series I like to call:

All you gotta do is pick your character and take a trip down Imaginary Lane.

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