Thursday, December 22, 2011

Fantasy Smash Bros.: Veteran - Princess Peach

It seems like all I've been posting lately is something that has to do with Fantasy Smash Bros., but that's perfectly fine with me. Today we're taking a look at the first veteran to land on my Fantasy Smash roster: Princess Peach. Originally the plan was to just keep putting out moveset ideas, but I can't help myself. I just had to go and mess with the characters that were already there. It couldn't be helped!

Although to be fair, Princess Toadstool had little that needed to be changed. The biggest alteration here is to her costume set, which I felt was a little lacking in anything that was actually relevant to the character or Nintendo. Her movelist remains the same, but I'll go over that for people who might not be familiar with her, and I'll do my best to put her stats to my scale.

If.. If I'm not too.. dis..stracted...

Princess Peach, having already starred in a pair of Smash Bros. games, has an established and well-rounded moveset that does good justice to the history of the character. For the most part, anyways. I don't know where exactly Peach Bomber is from, but it makes the dear Princess just a bit more usable, so it's all good. There were a few largely aesthetic components that were bugging me, so I've changed them to something a little more suitable. However, despite looking a little different, Peach plays exactly as she has previously.

Up + B: Perry - Princess Peach has two representative icons: hearts, and parasols. In the past two Smash Bros. games Peach was armed with a flowery and elegant parasol which she used to drift peacefully back to Earth (or jab her enemies in the ass).

I see London, I see France.
And while that pink floaty umbrella is all fine and dandy, she was given something with a little more character when she embarked on her treacherous journey to rescue the Mario Bros. in Super Princess Peach. I welcome you to Perry, the magical talking umbrella, and faithful companion to Princess of the Mushroom Land.

Now, Perry doesn't just talk. He's magical. And kind of terrifying. In Super Princess Peach, the Princess could scoop enemies into Perry's underbelly, where he devours them whole. Luckily, Kirby and Pikachu have nothing to worry about, because Perry came to the Fantasy Smash on a full stomach. He behaves exactly as the previous Peach Parasol move did: Peach can leap into the air with Perry stabbing upward pretending they're the Penguin. She can then open him up and catch some air, floating harmlessly back to the platforms below.

Standard B: Heart - Whoa Nate, whoa. What the hell do you think you're doing here? Everyone and their mom knows that Peach's standard B attack is Toad. What are you smoking that made you forget that? You need to fix that right now, because this isn't funny.

Toad getting shot in the face is funny!
Except it's annoyingly out of character Peach to shove anyone in front of her like that. Peach hates having a secret service everywhere she goes. Peach hates seeing people hurt. Originally Toad was going to be replaced by Toadsworth, but no, because Peach wouldn't want to stick him out in front of missiles either. Peach does not put others before herself.

Not only is sacrificing one of her own servants completely out of character, but Peach has access to a host of her own defensive magical abilities. Like, y'know, the Hearts from Mario Kart: Double Dash!!

Oh yeah. Those are a thing, aren't they?
Indeed, a thing they are! Two things in fact! But for our purpose, they're multiple little things. Like the altered Perry attack, the new Heart move behaves exactly like Toad used to. Peach can use the defensive power of the Heart to deflect projectiles, or, under the right conditions, reverse attacks with greatly multiplied force, sending her unfortunate adversaries blasting off again.

The only change made between Heart and Toad is one of aesthetics: instead of thrusting a hapless mushroom retainer to take he bullet for her, Toad waves her hands around in the air in front of herself, generating a stream of sparkling, magic shield hearts. And the best part?
They have little, smiling faces! :3
Side + B: Peach Bomber - The Peach Bomber is one of Toadstool's most effective maneuvers. This enthusiastic hip thrust is pretty good at clearing away enemies, and making sure everybody gets the hell away from you. It's the same technique one uses to clear out Mushroom Land paparazzi.

Defying gravity, physics, and bone structure, Peach glides over the air and smashes enemies with her brawny buttocks, propelling them away with great force.

Down + B: Vegetable - In Super Mario Bros. 2, also known as Super Mario Bros. USA, the main weapon Peach and her lowly servants utilized against the Shy Guy club and their bizarre overlords were an assortment of turnips, radishes, and other vegetables, which are apparently heavy as bricks in Mario land.

While these items had to be plucked from tall, dancing blades of grass in their game of origin, Peach has come into Smash with an arsenal stashed somewhere deep within the ruffles of her dress. She can pluck one of these out of the ground in a second, and heaven help the Koopa who it gets hurled at.

The vegetables, exclusively turnips for the Princess' use, have a variety of expressions which determine how much damage they'll do. The only one to really look out for, however, is the one that looks like it just saw Mama Koopa giving birth, because that one delivers an almost instant kill.

Because it's either: kill someone else, or suicide.
Final Smash: Peach Blossom - Peach loves to spread joy and cheer, and what could make anybody more happy than a delightful catnap? The Princess grants this wish to all players on the ground, rendering them all unconscious for a long number of seconds. The closer the players are to Toadstool, the longer they sleep for. To make matters worse, the magic used to put her foes to sleep also does a large amount of damage to them, depending again on their proximity to the Princess.

All of this occurs while Peach dances and sings joyfully, framed on either side by delightful images of her delicate figure and of course some happily drawn hearts.

She's about as innocent as Madonna.
Because there wasn't enough explosions to make the attack seem a little heavier to those thrill-seeking types, peach trees sprout from the sides of the screen and blossom, dropping a large number of the delicious fruit onto the stage. Peach can have a short snack while her enemies nap, healing herself before she smacks them over the head with a frying pan.


Size - 6/10
Weight - 4/10
Strength - 4/10
Speed - 3/10
Jump - 6/10

The Breakdown:

Size - Peach is taller than Mario and Luigi, but that really isn't saying much when you're standing next to a gorilla and a two-ton dragonturtle. But as far as humans go, Peach is pretty darn tall. It's almost a miracle she doesn't break her back bending over to kiss Mario on his volleyball of a nose. Then again, she's probably used to it.

Weight - Of course a Princess must watch her diet. Tall and skanky - er - lithe, Peach doesn't way very much at all. Actually, most of her weight probably comes from her high heels, which she insists on wearing absolutely everywhere. Even though she's lighter than most average folks, Peach isn't always competing with average folks, and she's still a bit heavier than some of the weird creatures her royal blondness is competing with.

Strength - While Peach has a few deadly attacks at her disposable, the overall effectiveness of slaps and backhands aren't much when compared to being punched in the face by a dinosaur. Regardless, she has enough power to hold her own if she has to.

Speed - The Princess might be zipping around tennis courts without a hitch, but wearing a pink ballgown to the Smash wasn't the brightest idea. Neither were those heels I mentioned earlier. Peach's attire really slows her down, and she has a hard time getting around because of it.

Jump - The one thing Peach has always had going for her, that wasn't related to her legs, breasts, butt, undergarments, thighs, lips, soft palms, or sports thongs was her natural gift for jumping. In Super Mario Bros. 2, Peach could not only leap higher than both Mario and Toad, but she could also keep herself aloft by use of magic, an ability which has become one of her signature skills.

The Alternate Palettes

Ah, yes, now we come to the fun part. At least, it was for me. In both Brawl and Melee, Peach had a number of costumes that she could wear out onto the field. Unfortunately, only one of these was actually something she wore, and only one of them was a reference to somebody else. The other four costumes were all simple recolors with very little, if any, definition behind their existence. Here's what I would have done if I had to come up with some color schemes for the Princess.

Peach likes to play dress up.
Palette One: Peach's iconic look remains as her standard color of choice.

Palette Two: Peach's Red Team costume isn't perfect, but she decided to try her best and dress herself up as Mario's first honey: Pauline. Pauline hasn't been romantically involved with the plumber for a number of years, not since Donkey Kong kidnapped her well before Peach was even around. But when Princess Toadstool finally did come onto the scene, she was little more than a Pauline knock-off in the same way that Daisy was to her. Now they've gone their separate paths, but Peach still wants to prove that she can wear the better dress.

But to be fair, Pauline never seems to wear one for very long...

Palette Three: Super Mario Galaxy introduced gamers to a whole new side of the Mario universe, the prurient Princess Rosalina. Though she hasn't been around nearly as long as Daisy, Peach, or Pauline, Rosalina struck an immediate chord with fans, and she was quickly cast as the next femme fatale of the Mario universe, making her way into the Mario Kart franchise posthaste. This new princess bears great similarity to the Peach of past, so naturally there's no reason not to dress her up in a similar manner.

Something seems familiar about you...
Palette Four: I had to dig a little deeper into Mario lore to find a suitable green costume for Princess Peach. I almost chose Frog Suit colors based off of that one time she wore it in the Super Mario Bros. 3 cartoon. However, I soon discovered a lovely dead lady in a stunning green dress.

Did I mention she was dead?
The Floating Whirlindas are a pair of ghosts that haunt Mario's brother in one of the greatest series spin-offs to date: Luigi's Mansion. While the couple don't have names, the Lady Whirlinda seemed like a great fit for an interesting Peach costume.

Palette Five: Naturally, I couldn't forget about Peach's classic Daisy mimic. She's been wearing a Daisy costume since Melee, and she wouldn't miss any opportunity to show her bff some love.

Palette Six: This costume actually has two origins. It's a composite of Princess Toadstool as she appeared in The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, and the very first Princess Peach sprite featured in the original Super Mario Bros. on the NES. Peach's usual pink color scheme was a later invention. In her first video game appearance, the Princess wore a white and orange dress. In addition to this, Peach wasn't originally a blond. She used to be a redhead. Go figure.

Have a look for yourself!


In closing: here's the celebratory theme shared by all who come from the land of mushroom.

Now I'm off to... play some... Melee...

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