Film Review: Prometheus (2012)

2012's Prometheus was said to be a pseudo-prequel to the ever-popular Alien franchise of SciFi/Horror films. Since, y'know, AvP is one of my favorite movies and all, I was seriously hyped to get a glimpse of this supposedly "Not Alien" Alien movie.

That was a mistake.

Don't get me wrong, Prometheus has a lot of awesome cinema going for it. You got explosions, crisp imagery, pretty good acting, decent dialogue. Hot actresses. The cast is nice and diverse, and each character behaves and sounds like a unique individual, regardless of how much of a stereotype they are. The first hour or so is actually all really interesting exploration of both characters and setting, with a lot of awesome development and build up that seriously engages the audience and throws you for all kinds of loops.

And it just keeps building!

And building.

...And building...

That's the problem with Prometheus. It builds. Now I get it, building is fun. World-building in particular is a blast. Unfortunately, there seems to be this trend, and Prometheus is hardly the only offender, of all build. Build, build, build. Rising action, rising action, rise, rise, rise. It's like a roller coaster that keeps going up, always building the suspense. But it never goes down. You just keep going up and up, forever. That shit gets boring after a while. Can you imagine being on that roller coaster? Up, up, up, and then at the very top of the track the train comes to a stop at a platform where some guy tells you "Welp, ride's over, kiddies. Everybody out". That's what it's like when a movie decides it doesn't have to follow traditional narrative form.

It hurts even more when you know that the decision wasn't made for any artistic or narrative purpose, but simply so the studio would have an excuse to make a sequel. Maybe that sequel will even be good and actually tie in all the loose ends, but if that's what they wanted to do they shouldn't have advertised or marketed Prometheus as a movie. Maybe a TV series would have been better, or perhaps its time to revive the old film serial format at a lower ticket price. If film studios want to create long going stories to keep audiences coming back, they need to stop pretending what they're making are actual movies. A movie is a confined narrative, beginning, middle, and end. That's it.

Even franchises like Iron Man, which continue pretty closely off of each other, have self-contained stories for each installment. That's simply how a movie plays out. When I pay, what is in this decade a ridiculous ticket price, to see a movie I want to see a full blasted movie. I don't want to see a prologue and have to shell out twelve more dollars two years later for the middle (and with the recent trilogy trend, probably another twelve another two years later for the epilogue). That's not okay.

Either make a six hour movie if that's what it takes, or make your film in a different medium. And definitely don't pretend it's a movie, and definitely don't price it like one.

Oh man, did that drive me nuts. And it's not the only thing that did, either.

Despite all of Ridley Scott's cries of "This is not an Alien movie!" it is most definitely an Alien movie. At least, part of one. Audiences which haven't seen or aren't familiar with the way that franchise works are going to be completely lost. You really do need that kind of knowledge to understand what's happening, and even with it you're going to be a little in the dark. You get to see some prototype Xenomorph stuff, which is all really cool. I was particularly a fan of the gigantic octopus face hugger. That was sweet. However, there's a lot of other weird stuff here which is never really explained (oh, but I'm sure it will be in the sequel). For some reason one guy who gets acid-blooded to death later returns as a zombie and slaughters half of the ship's crew. There's no explanation for this, and it's just chalked up to be "Alien Stuff". Alrighty then. The Xenomorph here also seems to be able to fit neatly within a corpse while fully formed, which is an utter failure in terms of logic.

Actually, logic is something this movie has none of. Of particular note is Ms. Vickers, the overseer of the mission. She's one of those nearly robot lady leaders who operates in a by-the-books manner despite twisting every written rule to push her asshole agenda. She has protocols for handling situations which she completely ignores, even taking the captain off deck to get her fanny patted. An action which leads to mass confusion for the crew throughout the film. Later on as the alien ship is falling out of the sky, she simply runs in a straight line as it tumbles along behind her, eventually getting squashed to death despite having damn near five minutes to run left or right and get out of the way. It's like she exists in an old video game or something.

Oh, she also has a surgical pod, but it's just for her. Yep. All for her.

Now, the whole purpose behind the Prometheus mission is to reach out into the darkest corners of space to find the Engineers, a group of extraterrestrial beings who created mankind by seeding the Earth with their own DNA (arguably the sacrificial Engineer could have been a reference to the Prometheus of lore). However, despite having raised the human race and giving them maps to locate the Engineer home world, the ETs seem to have decided, some 2000 years ago (odd, thinking about which particular non-Greek religious figure was born right around then), to eliminate us (with the use of the Xenomorphs as a biological weapon). Why is never explained.

Nothing is ever fucking explained.

Agh, this movie makes me so angry. And really what it has is good it just needs to give some fucking answers. I don't dig the money-grabs in cinema lately, and this has been the most blatant example of all. Maybe I'll appreciate this film more when the rest of its collective narrative comes out, but right now this has pissed me right the fuck off. I can't give this movie a positive score, because it's not a movie. However, because it's a high-quality not-a-movie, I can't give it an absolutely shit score, and there are some pretty cool Proto-Alien things. So I'll give it a four out of ten. Maybe I'll appreciate it as a whole when the next one comes out, but I will never be able to appreciate Prometheus on its own. Never.

Film Review: Man of Steel (2013)

Feeling a little more awake and alert after my tumble with Godzilla, I thought I'd give the review a go. Already, though, I can feel the weariness eating into me, making my eyes grow heavier with each passing second. I'll try to fight through it, because I'm afraid that if I sleep on this one I'll lose some of it during the night. If you'll kindly bear with me, we'll let the praise commence!

I understand that a lot of die hard Superman fans might not be particularly thrilled with this film's leniency to the source material, but you kind of have to accept it as part of what the Nolanverse is doing here. I mean, they made Barbara Gordon the wife of Jim Gordon in the Dark Knight trilogy, and I don't think Bane was Hispanic, either. So Jimmy Olsen's been switched out for his sister Jenny, a character I didn't even know was an Olsen until doing some reading tonight and simply regarded as "Just another kid at the Daily Planet", and whose character I actually enjoyed. Perry White's now a Black man, and I can understand the frustration here. If Blade, or Hancock, or Tekken's Raven were suddenly made White it just wouldn't feel right to me, being so familiar with the characters as they are and all that. However, while this might not be the perfect adaptation of Perry for the avid comic book fan, the character, despite his pathetic amount of screen time, is very powerfully portrayed, and you get a real good sense for the kind of strong and honest man that he is. And I genuinely feel that this character could not have performed to the demands of this script without the talents of Laurence Fishburne.

Controversial gender-bending and race-shifting aside, the film is pretty damn close to being the perfect movie. The acting is all top notch (although there was one bit where Faora's actress, Antje Traue, lapsed into a terribly fake and over-acted expression of agony, which was more painful for me than it was for the character), and the effects are superb. The world constructed here, while very different from a Superman-styled world, feels very solid and real. Despite my dislike for the heavier, armored-looking costumes DC is so fond of, I know that the majority of the scenes in this movie wouldn't have had the same weight behind them had Henry Cavill been clad in spandex.

This really is a different way to go about the Superman mythos, and the movie really goes out of its way to make the Kryptonians and their technology feel alien. You can tell at a glance that there's something off about them, they do not belong on Earth, and that's a good thing. Typically Kryptonians and their devices are indistinguishable from Earth concepts, and that's done a good job of masking the fact that Superman is an alien, which is actually a pretty bad thing. The drastic contrast between the Kryptonians and the people of Earth has never been so apparent, and while I typically hate how powerful the Superman character is, this movie achieves what most writers and artists have been unable to with the character: it gives you a true appreciation for the gravity of this situation. Until you've seen Kal-El accidentally level half a city while trying to dispose of a much greater threat, you can't truly appreciate any of it. Sure, there's Superman and Zod pounding away at each other, but there's this almost horror-movie-like element of fear throughout the whole ordeal: "I am not watching two men pummel each other to death; I am watching two gods bring destruction to Heaven and Hell."

That gripping fear does bring its own drama, although this is greatly helped by finally giving us an enemy that Superman can punch. You get it from the human side (mainly because you are most likely a human) of: "Does it matter who wins? I am a speck to both of these men, and I am helpless to resist them." You get the threat of: "If Zod defeats Superman, all hope is lost." You get the feeling: "Superman might win, but at what cost to the planet? At this rate, there won't be any humans left to protect."

Not only do you get all of that fear, but you then get backhanded with the stress put on Kal-El. "If I can't win, everybody will die. If I can't win, my whole life will have been for nothing." Not only that, but you do truly get a sense for how outclassed Kal-El is when fighting Zod and his generals, who have been trained and conditioned since birth to be masters of combat. Kal's just a guy who grew up tossing hay, and the only thing going for him is that he has a better handle on the abilities granted to Kryptonian's by the yellow sun radiation, but is that going to be enough for him to stop Zod? If the General gets a handle of his powers soon enough, Superman has absolutely no hope in ever beating him.

This film seriously hits home on a lot of levels. It's not a feel-good movie like the other Superman attempts have been, but a movie that takes pleasure in kicking your feels in the groin again, and again, and again, and stringing you along with just a faint bit of hope so you keep on suffering and don't simply roll over and die.

--Side tangent: Zod looks like Black Adam when he strips away his armor, which was kind of cool because it was like seeing an additional character on the big screen. Made me wonder how a Captain Marvel movie would turn out in this universe.--

Everything that can be done with Superman on an emotional level is done (well, not everything. Get to that in a minute). We feel his anguish and his pain, and we feel that of his mother and his father (both sets of them). The climactic confrontation literally brought me to tears with the sheer and utter torment Superman had to fight through to protect us, who are no more important to him than a small colony of ants.

To be totally blunt: this movie was incredible. The action sequences were all outstanding, breathtaking, and often clever. I honestly can't imagine how they could possibly make a sequel to this. The Justice League movie is already going to be trivial by comparison, and trying to include Lex Luthor in any further films simply will not do. Lex cannot follow this act. The only possible storyline I can think of that will hit our hearts in a few new directions would be the Death of Superman storyline, and we've seen that adapted so many times that I don't feel like it's really up to the task of being something this epic (and I don't mean that in the newish douche way, I mean that in the classical epic tale way. Any sequel to this film will not be an epic, while this one most definitely is).

The one other thing a sequel could do is develop Lois Lane a lot more, because this film kind of didn't. A lot of her actions are... illogical, and her development is too rushed. I really felt like she was just the girl to be kissed for this movie, and not the tough-as-nails reporter that she was meant to be. However, looking at this solely as a potential series, developing her character further in potential future films could help to rectify this minor situation, so I'll hold final judgment for the next couple years until we get some new DC action going on.

Final verdict: like the Dark Knight trilogy, Man of Steel doesn't have the superhero vibe of past attempts  or of Marvel's recent line of films. Instead it tries to transcend from pulp icon to epic hero's tale, which it accomplishes masterfully. The exposition is not completely straight forward and it is broken up with bouts of intense action which will leave you wishing that just a drop of Kryptonian blood ran through your veins. Ultimately I feel like this is one of the best movies I've ever watched, and ever will watch, and I will be more than thrilled to see it a dozen times more. Ten out of ten.

America Attempts Godzilla

I should actually be writing a review of Man of Steel, which I saw earlier tonight, while it's still fresh in my mind, but I am way too tired to analyze the film that closely. I don't know what it is about movie theaters, but by the time I get out of there I am just completely exhausted. Maybe it's the dim lighting, or the sudden change from the artificial environment to the real world, or the way a movie theater is so encompassing that you're pulled into the movie and that mental wormhole between realities is just tiring to zip through, or maybe it's because Man of Steel was such an intense film (and I think my girlfriend's made me a bit of a crier), but right now I am seeing purple and green spots, my lids are being tugged down by a pair of invisible anvils, and I just don't have the mental stamina to make a review work out for me right now (hell, I doubt this post will work out for me!).

With luck, though, this little linguistic exercise will stimulate me enough that I can get that opinion out after all. Who knows?

Instead I'd like to talk about one of my all-time favorite movie anti-heroes, someone whose films I've been an avid fan of since before I was out of diapers: Reptar! Well, not quite. I'm talking, of course, about Godzilla. I think my first introduction to the rogue reptile was with Hanna-Barbera's animated series--the one with Godzooky. Yeah, I know, it's awful, but I loved it. I loved it so much that I made my mom run out and buy as many of the original Godzilla VHS tapes as she could find (and in those days, Christmas Tree Shops was just full of these niche videos). I remember we got King Kong vs. Godzilla, which I watched until the tape wore off (and promptly purchased again), and one of the ones with Mechagodzilla--I think it was the one with King Caesar, though I only remember seeing his film once--and we must have had one with Mothra in it, because I knew who she was growing up. We also rented one with SpaceGodzilla, and I remember thinking he was the coolest kaiju this side of everything (his vague resemblance to Dragonzord probably helped with that).

I probably needed better role models.

Naturally, when I heard about a new Godzilla movie I rushed out to see it. Unfortunately, it was this. Now don't get me wrong, I actually really like that movie. I thought it was an interesting way to go about the character, and I love how they later took that incarnation of the monster and explained it as being a different kaiju which was mistaken for Godzilla. With that now in mind, I suppose I can't fault the movie for not being a Godzilla movie any more, but the fact of the matter is: it was advertised as a Godzilla movie, and no part of that movie had Godzilla anywhere near it. Even as a kid I found myself beyond sorely disappointed. Runaway Reptar was more of a Godzilla movie than that was.

And now, just like back then, I can't help but feel the excitement building within when I hear about developments on Warner Bros.' new Godzilla film (a dark and serious reboot of the franchise). Some part of me knows that, being an American production, it won't have the same values as a traditional Godzilla flick and might even shit all over just what it means to be a Godzilla movie, but there's no getting around how ridiculous and corny the source material can be, just like with the recent string of comic book movies. If they can take the core concepts of this character and make it into something incredible, then I'm all for it. Of course, if I could make any little change to it, I'd make just one:

The studio. Warner Bros. has made some fantastic films, and I definitely trust them to handle this one. However, I'd much rather see a new Godzilla film in the hands of Marvel Studios. Almost everything to come out of Marvel has been an A film for me (the only exception so far has been Iron Man 3), and they've shown an incredible capacity for taking the stupid out of the outdated source material, or updating it to be not stupid at all and often even cool (case in point? Bucky). I know Marvel only handles their own properties, but I also didn't just pick them out of the clear, blue sky. Once upon a time, Marvel published a Godzilla monthly series (which I think I will read soon) which had a lasting impact on the core canon of their comics universe.

Marvel's Godzilla, King of  the Monsters was not an out-of-universe licensed work. The stories all happened within the 616 Marvel Continuity (that's the primary line of stories, for those not in the know) and saw the King of the Monsters come up against the likes of Dum Dum Dugan, Devil Dinosaur, the Fantastic Four, and even the Avengers and Spider-Man. Several villains unique to the 24-issue series also returned in later Marvel adventures, and Godzilla himself reappeared a few times even after his license had run up, adopting an entirely new look to avoid copyright limitations and seldom being referred to by name. The events of his series have even been referenced in other titles, like Iron Man, from time to time.

Most of Godzilla's crossovers have already been adapted to two-thumbs films, some merely one-thumb, and a small minority which haven't yet been touched at all. Marvel hasn't been able to get away from the impact this character has had on their continuity, and I think that Godzilla and the Superman/Spider-Man crossover have been the sole reason Marvel has insisted on keeping all other licensed events and crossover outside of mainstream continuity (they've jumped through some pretty tight hoops to keep it all together without getting sued).

Not only is Godzilla significant to Marvel's history, but I feel like Marvel Studios is the only company equipped to get a relaunch just right. Their films all have had this visual quality of taking the cheesy costumes and the bright colors and making them work in real life environments. There's a very particular style to the Marvel films, a blend of comic book and reality. It's like the give everything an extra bit of smoothing and coloring just to make it look a little more like a moving page, and I think that's the kind of visual quality a new Godzilla movie is going to need. They've also had some real top-notch animation going on, and that's something which will be very important for a Godzilla film--even moreso when you know that an American studio will not have a guy in a costume dancing around on screen.

In short: I love Godzilla, I love Marvel, I love Marvel's Cinematic Universe, and I'm sure I'm going to love Marvel's Essential Godzilla (though I wish it were in color). I would absolutely love a film in the Cinematic Universe to feature Godzilla, and it makes me a little more dead inside everyday knowing that it's never going to happen. Maybe the concept can be used for a Devil Dinosaur flick. It wouldn't be the same, but I'd still see it.

But still, Marvel,

Get Godzilla in your pocket again.

Animation Review: Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman (2003)

Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman takes place shortly after the highly acclaimed Batman: The Animated Series (more specifically: The New Batman Adventures) and presumably before Justice League, but within the DC Animated Universe of fantastic cartoons which graced the airwaves in the early 90's through the mid 2000's. As amazing as that line of cartoons is, this film is a cut above most of it. Despite being a short one hour and eleven minutes, Mystery of the Batwoman serves up everything an animated movie needs, with all the trimmings.

I really can't find much fault with this movie. Sure, Batwoman isn't Kate Kane, but that really doesn't matter one bit. The only negative aspects that stick out to me are Bane's design and the weirdly animated waddle of Kathy Duqusne in her introductory scene, where we are left to assume that her legs are made out of snakes upon which she perches with all the balance of a toddler on a tight rope. Other than those two things, both of which can be overlooked, there isn't a whole lot of fault. In fact, the film is downright perfect.

The musical score is simply brilliant, although I'm rarely ever a fan of the "Real songs" interjected in animated media. The majority of the soundtrack is all wonderful and original orchestration, but the one or two "Real songs" utilized fit their scenes perfectly and aren't out of place at all. I can imagine the target audience, young boys, to be somewhat embarrassed about the inclusion of the lady-centric songs, but they really don't drag down the film down at all. I'm actually surprised that there was never a release of the film's soundtrack, because it's something I would have purchased immediately after viewing. Of particular note is a score which plays in Batwoman's early sequences, which sounds remarkably like something out of Kingdom Hearts and reminded me of the Hollow Bastion BGM, a track which I absolutely love and which definitely sets an elegantly sinister tone.

Batman's faithful companion, Robin (Tim Drake), does play a supporting role in the film, although his presence is relatively minor and I feel that even Alfred had a larger plot to play in the grand scheme of things. This isn't a bad thing. While Robin can be awesome character, there is a time and a place for him, and this story really isn't it. This is a Batman story, and I think it probably could have benefited from having even less of Robin that it did. It definitely could have done without the two minute cameo of Barbara Gordon, whose inclusion was merely to tie the film to the DCAU and contributed nothing to the plot (a fact which greatly annoyed me, as I was hoping for a little Batwoman vs. Batgirl, and the tease without payoff was simply a waste of time).

Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman plays up all the greatest strengths of the Batman character, living up to the "Mystery" in its title and putting the emphasis on detective work with a generous amount of action. In trying to keep the mystery and story a fresh one, the film introduces a number of new characters as suspects as well as a number of supporting characters to follow them around. Of particular note is the Duquesne crime family, fathered by Carlton Duqusne, a powerful African-American gangster who's in league with the Penguin and Rupert Thorne. To my knowledge, Duquesne has not appeared in media outside of this film, which is a shame. Despite being a relatively typical "Kingpin"-flavored character, I could see Duquesne easily climbing his way up the ranks of Batman's more notorious and dangerously sane roster. If there's no place for him there, we all know Red Hood is in dire need of a serious opponent.

All of the character's are portrayed naturally, with no glaring ickiness in the voice acting, which is something that is still common in American animation even today. The sound effects are all crystal clear and feel nicely weighted, adding to the tension and seriousness of their situations. Buildings don't simply crumble with the light shuffling of a few pebbles (something common in most animated series), but each tumbling boulder crashes with enough force to bump the bass in any sound system. Ah, I can only drool at the thought of watching this again with my subwoofer in place.

Although, if I may back up for a moment, there was one character interaction which felt a bit stilted to me. Here comes some major spoilers, which I normally don't worry about, but for this film it could seriously impact the entire experience. So that's your warning. When it is revealed that there is not one but three Batwomen we are of course treated to the mandatory scene where these women interact. To throw Bruce and ourselves off the trail, these three individuals have been shown to be very different (and all well-developed and solid) characters who would likely have nothing to do with one another: Kathy Duquesne is a fashion bug obsessed with hot guys and hotter trends, Roxanna Ballantine is a nerdy scientist with almost zero coordination (unless she needs it) and a thing for bad boys, and Sonia Alcana, the latest addition to Gotham PD, a promising detective with a tragic history of violence. You'd think these women wouldn't get along, and they don't. Despite somehow pulling off some of the greatest feats in Bat-History, these women, when together, are shown to be a completely disfunctional band of rogues who can barely hold it together, and their dialogue is glued with no stickier and adhesive. A little more touching up of the interaction between these girls would have made a world of difference, but ultimately their short "Evil Villain Scheming" sequence doesn't detract from the bigger picture, and still serves to keep the story coherent.

In short: this film has a few itsy bitsy flaws, but is otherwise flawless. The animation is superb, and modern day film teams could learn a thing or two from it (particularly on its ability to remain remarkably fluid, even while animating vehicles, without resorting to garish 3D models). I loved every second of this experience, and it's something I'm going to come back to again, and again, and again. Despite its errors, this ranks right up there with Under the Red Hood as far as I'm concerned, and way up there with the best of the best of movies, period. Ten out of ten, Batman. You've done it again.

Film Review: Gregory Go Boom (2013)

Gregory Go Boom is a short independent film starring Michael Cera (better known as "Scott Pilgrim") and released as part of YouTube Comedy Week, which is highly inappropriate for such an uncomedic piece of film. I originally came across this film earlier this evening while at my friends' house browsing YouTube. We stumbled upon JASH, and, well, one thing led to another and soon we were embarking on a twenty-minute journey for which we were not prepared. At that time we were simply following the lulz, and the phrase "YouTube Comedy Week" assured us that more were to be had.

Such was not the case.

If you go into this expecting it to be funny, you're going to be disappointed. The picture does start out in a way that could lead into being funny. Y'know, one of those movies that portrays itself as serious and dramatic in an attempt to mock excessively artsy and dramatic and self-indulgent pieces of film? It turns out, however, that this is one of those artsy and dramatic films! It, however, is not self-indulgent.

After watching it earlier and thoroughly scratching my head, I gave it a little bit of thought. It intrigued me in a couple of ways, because while watching it that first time I had to kind of reimagine everything as a Lifetime movie to make sense of what they were trying to do. Or at least, of the genre I felt was more appropriate for the story they were attempting to tell. Watching it that way, although still with that nagging question "Is this supposed to be funny?" clinging to the back of my mind, showed me a film which had potential, but which was suffering from poor situation (at my friends' for the lulz) and poor marketing.

I decided to rewatch at home with a different atmosphere and without the expectation of comedy. Going at it like that reveals a fairly decent tragedy. Though there are still a couple small bits near the beginning which a desire to be funny, and they are worth at least a smile, the overarching tone is still a morose and tragic one. Watched simply as a film, and allowed to develop without the expectations generated by misleading titles and poor launch dates, we are left with a touching, interesting, but still mediocre work of cinema.

The story focuses on Gregory, a handicapped young man who can make no use of his legs. Played by Michael Cera, Gregory is almost exactly the same as every other character played by Michael Cera with the distinct difference that he isn't being played for laughs. This is Cera tilted at a different angle, but still by definition himself. He's still the awkward social outcast, but this time he's not a funny one. Actually, Gregory is a pretty unlikable character. He has some serious anger issues and doesn't really understand the concept of respect. The character treats the others as backdrop to his own precious little life. From his perspective, they exist merely to interact with him, preferably to serve him and he becomes quite disgruntled and outright abusive when they don't.

Despite this, you end up feeling awful for this character. No matter what he says, and no matter what he does, Gregory will pluck your heart strings like Stephen Stills plucks guitars. Cera's performance of this pathetic person will leave you with a tear... in your conscience (but probably your eye).

We follow this character as he attempts to find acceptance in his messed up world, while, like a stubborn child, shunning the only person who ever gave it to him at all. He takes his motorized wheelchair through the impoverished countryside, each of which does its part in telling him that he doesn't belong or that he isn't doing it right. All the while we hear an odd humming theme which sounds very amateurish and kind of pulls you out the flick.

While watching this I couldn't help but feel like it was suffering from lack of direction. This film has a very Forrest Gump feel to it, and I'm of the opinion that it could also reach that level of acclaim with a little push. It wouldn't be too hard to pull this into a full-length feature with more developed characters, which would definitely service the film in a good way. It's too short to really give us the heartache that it wants to, although it does give you quite a good punch in the chest.

The performances are all pretty good. Nobody was laughably bad or unbelievable. In fact, the characters and their lines were all quite realistic. Perhaps a little too realistic. The dialogue was, with absolutely no exception, extraordinarily awkward. I know, I know, Michael Cera, but it was bad even for him. Maybe that was the intent, and as an artist I get that sometimes you absolutely want to capture every unappealing detail of real life, but the end result is something uncomfortable to sit through. Now, okay, it's not supposed to be comfortable. Maybe I could give it cookies for succeeding in what it wanted to accomplish. Unfortunately, the level of discomfort brought about by the poor scripting could cause the meaning of the film to be lost on its audience, as it was on me the first time I watched it.

In short, Gregory Go Boom is a difficult movie to peg. It claims to be a comedy, acts like a tragedy, feels like Forrest Gump, comes off like a home movie. With a little spit and polish, this could really shine. I hope the producers, the actors, the writers, and anyone else who worked as part of this creative team get back together and talk about how to improve what they've got, because I can't shake the feeling that this film is destined for so much more.

Until it reaches that destination, though, I'm going to have to give it an average seven. And that because, despite its flaws, something is calling me to watch it yet again. I can't mark it down if it has that pull. It obviously did something very right.

Film Review: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Wow... okay. I just don't really know how to articulate my feelings about this movie, and the fact that I am so completely exhausted (so much so that I hadn't intended on writing anything today) isn't helping this at all. This is definitely a different kind of movie from Iron Man and Iron Man 2, and it is, in my opinion, the worst big screen outing Tony Stark's had. And boy, counting the cameos, he's had a lot of 'em!

One of the most glaring issues with this film is just how difficult it is to make any real sense of. Disregarding the out of control mutilation of the Marvel canon for a moment, there's a plot to this movie which is all around just very, very loose. So loose that I'm still having a tough time piecing it all together, although Wikipedia is doing its best to help me out. Most of my issues stem from the villain, Aldrich Killian, who is the Mandarin for this particular adaptation. A lot of people absolutely hate this, me among them. I'll get to that in a bit, though. What I want to complain about right now is how unoriginal the Killian character is and how completely non-existent his motivation and logic is.

If you've seen Iron Man 2, you're basically already familiar with Aldrich Killian. Portrayed here, he is some kind of amalgam of Whiplash and Justin Hammer. One part revenge against Tony Stark, one part force the world into signing contracts for his weapons. But in this case the weapons are unstable biological enhancements as opposed to cheap Iron Man knockoffs. To be totally honest, the result is a cheap Nitro knockoff, instead.

Actually, slight tangent here, when I first saw how the Mandarin was attacking his intended targets, I was hoping we'd actually get to see Iron Man go up against Nitro. For those of you who don't know, Nitro is basically a Bob-omb. He has the ability to explode like a bomb and reconstruct each molecule of his body. I'm not sure of his history with Iron Man, but Nitro's inclusion would have been infinitely more enjoyable than the simple Dr. Evil brand of villain which we were served instead.

Back on course. Killian's motivations are not terribly complex, but all too many. He wants nothing less than revenge against Tony for blowing him off fifteen years ago, Tony's assistance in stabilizing a highly destructive steroid which transforms people into human time bombs, the affections of one miss Pepper Potts, complete submission of the entire country, and that same country to be purchasing his currently unstable neural steroid. I'm sure I forgot something, because I'm 99.999% positive that the writers were as vague on how to handle the character as the movie was in telling us just what he wanted to do.

The worst of it all was that attempting to make sense of this guy's plan doesn't work out when he just contradicts it all as he goes. He wants to finish his prototype weapon, but he kills the woman who developed it. He wants Tony to help him stabilize it, so he blows up the man's house and sends in squad after squad of elite super-powered mercenaries to kill him. He wants to ragebone Pepper Potts, so he poisons her with his unstable medicine and threatens to detonate her body if Tony doesn't help him. Let's not forget the part where he wants the United States military to purchase his weapons, so he coerces the Vice President onto his side, plans on assassinating the actual President of the United States, using the VP as a puppet leader, and then... selling the weapons to what is essentially his army using what is essentially his money? Wait, what? Just. What's even going on here?

Throughout all of this we're treated to Tony Stark routinely coming into conflict with individuals who have survived the neural steroid. These individuals feature a list of powers including: enhanced speed, strength, and agility, an ability to recover from any and all wounds in seconds, fire breath, a habit of exploding when pissed off, and the wonderfully nifty gift of transforming into something resembling a zombie and Blackheart's victims from the first Ghost Rider flick, something which I shouldn't have to say is ridiculously out of place in an Iron Man film.

None of this is even to consider how this movie handled the character of the Mandarin, essentially Iron Man's version of Ra's al Ghul. Okay, this character had to be modernized. He was a terrible Chinese stereotype, something had to be done. This movie went with the road of making him a potentially non-existent villain, a false figurehead for a terrorist organization that doesn't exist (only it does). Because of this, Killian eventually declares "I AM THE MANDARIN!" despite being completely wrong.

You see, having Killian make that declaration, calling him the Mandarin at all, defeats the purpose of making the Mandarin an imaginary threat in the first place. I could actually get behind that to some extent. That would make the Mandarin kind of like an evil version of V from V for Vendetta where the villain is an idea simply being represented by a person. That's cool. Unfortunately by making Killian decide "Oh, hey, I'm the real Mandarin" it undoes that idea of an imaginary villain and gives this name, "Mandarin", an actual identity. The opposite of its intended purpose. This greatly degrades the message the film wanted to get across with its version of the Mandarin, and the removal of that one line would have made a world of difference in creating a more coherent plot for both film and villain.

It still doesn't undo the whole poisoning of the lady he loves thing, but it would have been a start.

As for the rest of the movie? Well, it's alright. It has a much heavier focus on Tony Stark outside of the armor than in, which I thought was pretty cool. The whole premise is that the character is a little shaken after his encounter with Norse gods and intergalactic space invaders, and he doesn't quite know how to handle this reality. He hides from his worries, and from his personal responsibilities, in his armor, which causes strife between he and the live-in-lady, Pepper Potts. The movie is framed as Stark himself telling a story, which is actually wrapped up after the credits with a neat little bow.

The primary exploration here is: "Who is Tony Stark?" Now, it's not the audience that has to know who Tony Stark is, because as a country of avid movie goers, we already know. But Tony has to know. This movie is about Tony proving to himself that it's really he who is the hero, not Iron Man. So if you go into this expecting (as the trailers would naturally lead you to) a face full of Iron Man like you've seen before, stop right now. This is more like Tony Stark: The Movie than Iron Man 3.

You know what, though? That's okay. This story is worth telling, and it's a natural progression for the character. For the first time in this lengthy Marvel Cinematic franchise do we see Tony Stark seriously out of it. The second movie we saw him throw a couple of depressed, alcoholic fits, but this movie really takes this character who defines himself as a party animal and rips that right out of him. This Tony Stark is a troubled shadow of the man he once was, and I mean, we all go through that, right? It's a powerful emotional journey, and I was greatly satisfied in that aspect of the film.

They also took this road with Stark's best pal Rhodey, better known as War Machine (although in this film he is rechristened as "Iron Patriot"). Rhodey's usefulness while in the War Machine/Iron Patriot persona is left largely to the imagination, as he isn't shown engaging in much conflict while wearing the suit. Instead the suit is stripped from him and we're treated to examples of Rhodes also demonstrating that he is the hero, not the War Machine. I thought this was a pretty cool way to tie the character with Tony's story arc (although indirectly) while also solidifying his role as a hero.

Pepper... I was almost positive we were going to get Rescue here at some point, and there were a number of scenes where I would have given her the armor that this particular creative team did not take. We do get to see Pepper briefly wearing Stark's armor and demonstrating potential ability with its functions, perhaps maybe hinting at the inclusion of the Rescue armor in a future film (if there should happen to be one). Otherwise the Pepper we get in this film is kind of a bummer. She gets really pissed off over little things and seems to think the Iron Man persona creates a wedge between her and Tony, despite it bringing them together in the first place and, y'know, saving their lives on multiple occasions. She is empty of the wit which she provided in previous films, remaining a grim figure throughout its entirety

Generally the movie was okay, although there is definitely a bit of deus ex machina going on, and a very loose story which doesn't come together all that coherently. There are some genuine laughs here and there, and a few pretty cool scenes, but it basically feels like... well... nothing. Too much of the film is spent away from Tony Stark's character development, and anything that is not that particular subplot is simply a shallow and schizophrenic rehash of contradicting ideas, morals, and a villain serving as a subpar clone for ones we've already seen.

I really can live without this movie, although I will inevitably buy the DVD when it comes out. For two reasons, though: because I already have all the other ones, and because I want Marvel to keep making movies. I just want them to step back and reevaluate what they're doing just a little bit.

Really though, I can't recommend that anybody see this movie. It's not worth today's ticket prices, and it probably won't even be worth the cost of the Blu-ray. Unfortunately, I can't shake the feeling that the most appropriate place for this film is the SyFy Channel on a Friday night. I wanted to give it an average score, seven out of ten, but I really can't. The average score goes to movies I look forward to someday watching again, and, well, I'm not so eager to do that. But it isn't really bad, so I guess I'll have to relegate it to the Devil's realm. Six out of ten, Tony. Hope you come back strong.

Film Review: Predators (2010)

As promised, I conclude the stand alone trio of Predator films with 2010's entry: Predators. Easily better than Predator 2 as a sequel and better than Predator as a movie, Predators actually has a cast of developed characters with personalities and history which all feeds who they are and how they react to the situation in which they find themselves. While none of these characters will be particularly unfamiliar to fans of the action genre, that doesn't mean they're boring or unengaging. Actually, the opposite is pretty true. I found myself, for the first time in this franchise, actually invested in the characters. In the first two films I didn't really care who lived or who died, but in this movie I was sad when basically any character died. I mean, counting through the cast real quick...

Three. I did not care about three characters. One of whom redeems himself in his last minute, and two of whom I did care about until they turned out to be snakes.

That's just the humans, though. The aliens themselves, well. This film introduces a new breed of Yautja which has evidently been warring with the more familiar aliens for quite a while. These new Yautja, referred to as "Black" Yautja in the fan community, are slightly larger, much stronger, and more agile than their classic counterparts, and they seem to exhibit a much less honorable code of conduct. They also come equipped with their own brand of technological hunting tools, most of which feel more primitive than what we've seen before, although there are instances of technology which appears more advanced.

These Yautja are less interested in hunting creatures in their natural habitats and instead choose to import animals to their galactic game preserve, which appears to be one of many moons as opposed to being its own planet. Despite advertisements and early descriptions claiming this "Planet" to be the Predator home world, it isn't anything of the sort. The Predators come every season in a group of three and establish a hunting camp while they go about slaughtering that season's prey. As typical for the series, this is probably some kind of rite of passage (although these Predators seem to be rather seasoned themselves).

Additionally, there is a classic Predator who serves as a captive of the others. I find it interesting that the Black Yuatja have taken one of their enemies prisoner as opposed to simply killing it, something which they later prove very capable of doing. It might be that they intended to use him as some kind of gambit, or maybe they just enjoyed humiliating him. Not sure, but it seemed oddly out of character for the Predators which we have grown familiar with, and more so for this breed, which is characterized as being far more brutal.

Despite their emphasis on the kill over the hunt (which begs the question of whether or not these Predators were at all inspired by the Bad Bloods introduced in the related comics and novels), the Black Yautja do exhibit some honor, in one notable case of having more than the previous Predators. One of the humans brought to the game reserve is a Yakuza clan member who finds a katana which belonged to a shogun who had been abducted centuries prior. This Yakuza man challenges one of the Black Yautja to a melee-exclusive conflict, similar to Billy in Predator and King Willy in Predator 2. Unlike those two battles, however, we are actually treated to a really incredible duel between these two honor-bound warriors which serves as an homage to the amazing action films of Asian origin, particularly the fantastical samurai and ninja films of Japan.

While this film is good as a SciFi film, it doesn't quite live up to my expectations for a Predator film. It kind of missed the mark on that "Predator" feel. The previous movies had this feeling of being alone despite taking place in fairly crowded environments, and yet that feeling is never present in Predators despite the protagonists being far more alone than any of their predecessors had been. There also wasn't quite enough examination on the side of either party. The previous Predator titles focused quite heavily on humans learning about Yautja, and Yautja learning about humans. I can understanding reducing this focus because it's ground which has already been covered, but the premise for Predators introduces whole new ground which isn't really utilized to its fullest advantage: the game reserve.

Our protagonists are dropped in the middle of an alien world potentially galaxies away and it... happens to look just like every other Earth rain forest? What's the deal? I understand going for something with a feel much more like the original Predator movie, and I get that maybe there were some budgetary concerns, but this is such a missed opportunity. Why bother going all the way into space and teasing a glimpse at the Predator home worlds and then not give us anything even close? This was their chance to give us a truly amazing setting equally as barbaric as the antagonists we've come to love. Even if the reserve wasn't ever intended to be on the home world, maybe this moon happens to orbit the Predator planet. What kind of environment would these creatures have evolved from? That's what should have been done here, and replacing the exploration of the Predator character with the exploration of its world would have been fantastic.

They did this a tiny bit by introducing an environment which is explained to be some kind of drilling facility which had been abandoned. We're never told what species had been drilling or why they had left their station, but we get to explore it a little bit... Unfortunately it, too, looks extremely Earthly and familiar. What it lacks in visual, though, it does introduce in intrigue. I mean, why was there a drilling station there? Why was it abandoned? Was it a Yautjan drill? What were they drilling for? Did the captive classic Predator work at this station and get himself kidnapped by the Black Yautja? Why did the Yautja not continue the drilling if there was some kind of precious resource hidden within this moon? Nothing answered, unfortunately, because this movie doesn't care about any of that.

This movie cares about a group of aliens killing people. So that's what it does. It does it splendidly, at that. For the first time in the series (note, that I have been and will be not counting Alien vs. Predator in this review, as that is kind of its own franchise and while I love what it adds to the mythos of the Predator, it's not what this film was aspiring to relate to) we have compelling human characters, cool villain characters, and the chance to explore an alien world and the home culture of these creatures we love to hate. But we don't do that. We just kill, talk about killing, and kill some more. I really shouldn't have expected more, but it is kind of a shame.

To be honest, I'd love a movie focusing on the Yautja that didn't have such a focus on killing. These are extremely fascinating creatures, and I think that quality alone is what has made them such powerful forces in pop culture. I think that without whatever aspect it is that makes the Predator a likable character despite its awful villainy, it would have remained nothing more than a B-Movie from the 80s. But it does have this quality, and it's that quality we expect when we see a Predator film. Well, this movie was largely devoid of that quality, so now I'd like to see a movie that takes that quality and amplifies it by ten.

I did have one other small beef with this film: it was gory. Not excessive gory, like what you'd expect if you went to see Saw or anything like that, but its gore was definitely a couple steps further than any of the previous films (this time including AvP). That's okay in itself, because it would mean they kept it to a fairly realistic level of gore, but there are a couple of instances of extreme stupid gore for the sake of extreme stupid gore. Emphasis on the stupid.

In one instance when we are introduced to the hunting dogs these Predators use (the dogs are a cool addition with a terrible design, by the way), one of them is shot in the head and promptly... explodes. Like a balloon. It just pops, organs everywhere. This was stupid, and in that same segment several other dogs are shot and killed without this explosion. It was needlessly grotesque shock factor. The other instance comes much later in the film where a Predator reaches into a man's back and rips out his spine with the skull on top, like something you'd see in Mortal Kombat as a fatality. As we all know, this can't happen, and Mortal Kombat is stupid gore for the sake of stupid gore. I hated it. Don't do stupid gore in a franchise that wasn't built on stupid gore.

Oh, also, there's needless alien decapitation which reminded me an awful lot of the ending of Underworld. These decapitations are also pretty stupid. Just thought you should know.

I don't know. I guess I just hate needless and outlandish brutality in a franchise which, despite being savage and brutal, has typically kept itself classy enough to avoid being insultingly moronic. This film--like Predator 2, in some ways--has decided that it doesn't like wearing a tux and would rather... rip out spinal whips.

Generally though, I found this experience to be more than enjoyable. Predators has earned itself a place to stay in my DVD library, and it has earned itself a seven out of ten. I was thinking about giving this an eight for its superb cast of characters, but it really left me wanting for something bigger and better than what it was. Really, though, you have to see it for yourself and decide if it fits the bill or not. I can't be the one to do that for you. Not this time (but definitely most other times).

Film Review: Predator 2 (1990)

Well... this movie was everything I was afraid the first one would be. The acting could hardly be called such, the emphasis was on shocking imagery and brutality, and it was strung together so loosely with so much stupidity that I can't possible believe there was actually a script at any point during production. Unlike the first movie, which featured a number of interesting moments of character exploration on the parts of both Dutch and Jungle Hunter, there is no such exploration of the Yautja or their ways (with a little exception, which I will get to). Amidst all the traditional slasher film crap this movie attempts to emulate the stimulating scenes from the first film, including even a scene where City Hunter is tending to his wounds using the same medicinal kit that Jungle Hunter had been prepared with. This truly goes to show how uninspired the film was, and really proves that it was nothing more than a cash grab.

This movie is generally bad, but there are some good points which bring it up into the realm of merely mediocre. Unlike the first film which had very little in the way of developed or interesting characters, this one does have a couple of cool characters who are a bit more fleshed out despite and are played... okay. At least, they really shine when compared to the fumbling oafs around them. The protagonist, Mike Harrigan, is a genuinely better character than Dutch was for a few reasons. Namely, he has weaknesses. Dutch was the epitome of a male fantasy. He was powerful, smart, and the leader. Dutch was perfect. Harrigan is older, somewhat out of shape, and he has a heart condition. He's completely out of his league when dealing with drug runners let alone a Predator. This makes it all the more satisfying to see his eventual triumph over this creature which has taken everything from him.

Additionally there's the character of Jerry Lambert, a glory hound with a reputation as the best in his department who transfers into the war-torn drug district of Los Angeles to turn the tables. Despite his reputation, Jerry is at first a very annoying character with a jaw that's a little too eager, but these quirks grow on you over time. Jerry is like that friend who annoys the piss out of you while he's there, but you sorely miss him when he's not. And best of all, you know he's loyal, to a fault even. When push comes to shove, Jerry knows how to bite his tongue and get the shit done, and right away he bounces back from that. He's just an amazingly versatile and appealing character, and despite running the risk of being horrendously exaggerated, Bill Paxton found a nice balance for the character.

The rest of the cast... sucks. They're all terribly acted, poorly written, and the majority of their dialogue is "Fuck". We've got two other officers working for Harrigan who are little more than annoyances with some absolutely terrible delivery in all regards, an FBI agent with a stick up his ass (naturally), and a couple of drug cartels. Admittedly, I did like King Willy, the Jamaican drug lord, and he is given one of the coolest scenes in the film which, in stark contrast to the rest of the movie, is really damn cool. The Predator drops down from a rooftop with its cloaking still active, stomping through a puddle as he approaches the pimp. Water splashes on invisible legs in one of the few instances where the Predator's invisibility effects are actually phenomenally well done. His suit begins to malfunction as the water gets into the circuitry, buzzing electricity all over. Slowly he stomps forward while Willy waits patiently, drawing a sword from within his cane. They stand apart by about five feet, each preparing and taking poses so dramatic, and so beautiful, and so cool that it just gets your adrenaline going. If this were any other movie, you'd know an amazing action sequence was about to commence.

Unfortunately, this is Predator 2, and the director took this opportunity to cheesily cut from Willy's battle cry to his decapitated mouth dangling from the City Hunter's meaty claw. Sucks.

City Hunter isn't nearly as interesting of a character as Jungle Hunter was, but it was nice to see a little emotion from the Predator. We not only see anger, confusion, and the inquisitive nature of the Yautja species, but we see fear when Harrigan learns how to use one of the Yautjan weapons and manages to deactivate the wrist bomb, not only taking away City Hunter's honorable suicide, but also sending the Predator to what could have very easily been his death. I still don't like the City Hunter nearly as much as I like the Jungle Hunter, but just because he doesn't match up doesn't mean he's a bad character. Actually, the opposite. City Hunter feels like a much less practiced Predator than his predecessor had been, demonstrated by his larger arsenal and his tendency to fall into traps and make mistakes that I don't think the Jungle Hunter would have. Additionally, City Hunter is accompanied by an entire group of other Predators who don't participate in the hunt. Their purpose is never really explained, but it came across to me as though they were a sort of evaluation committee. City Hunter is also a bit more reckless than Jungle Hunter would have been, and he seems to have not quite figured out how strictly he wants to adhere to his moral code.

The musical score is the same as that from the first film, which means it's good. Unfortunately it doesn't quite fit the aesthetic of an urban jungle as well as it did a tropical jungle. It would have been one thing had they attempted to give the tribal sounds a more industrial tone and feel, but they just reused the same recordings and it doesn't fit very well.

The settings themselves are generally pretty generic, although there are a few cool shots of alleys and such with the neon lights of pubs and clubs bouncing off puddles and broken bottles. A lot of the movie, though, takes place in these weird makeshift bunkers by the FBI agents, and these are lit with only red emergency lamps which makes it all a little too difficult to look at. There is also one segment on a train which is absolutely terrible, and I'm sure if I had been watching this in the dark it would have given me a seizure.

Ultimately I feel this movie gave in too easily to the temptations of the more basic slasher film, with an emphasis on sex and impurity that wasn't found in the first film, and a habit of using tried and truly terrible splatter flick tropes. Happily, though, is the lack of splatter to accompany the flick. Ultimately I was disappointed with this as both a movie, but especially as a sequel. It always hurts worse when there are some good things going for it, a few good things, and that those good things are really good and surrounded by things which are really bad. You can see the potential and you want to color the movie with those good bits, but that's not true.

They are, however, good enough to pull this film from absolutely abysmal to remedial. Four out of ten for this disappointing flick.

Film Review: Predator (1987)

It's really sad, actually, that I hadn't seen this film until just the other day. I pretty much knew everything about Yautja (that's the Predator species) from obsessing over them and reading the wikis endlessly after being introduced to both the Predator and Alien franchises through the first Alien vs. Predator film, which I loved every second of despite never watching any of the prior films (I did, however, own an Alien toy as a child). I only ever got around to watching Predator the other night, and intend on watching Predator 2 and Predators later this week before moving my way into the Alien franchise, working to AvP and Prometheus.

To be honest, the first few minutes of the movie dropped my expectations ridiculously low. Unfortunately, I only have the film in a full screen format, and that didn't help one bit. The set up was bad, the acting was... well, not great. The first few scenes play out like a top of the line B-Movie, but that's still a B-Movie. A B+Movie, I guess. Anyways, seeing all these beefcakes march out with their penis-pistols didn't do very much for my anticipation, and I was so afraid that I was going to be completely disappointed in this film.

In some aspects, it is a disappointing movie. Generally, though, it is not. Right away, though, the sheer stupidity of our bunch of protagonists--who are supposedly the greatest military mercenary unit in the world--was astounding. They're tasked with rescuing hostages from a delicate situation, but upon finding the enemy camp, they proceed to blow the living shit out of everybody with bazookas and grenades. They literally find the people they are supposed to rescue and drop bombs in front of them. "Rescue" does not mean "kill". I had huge issues with this simply because of the lack of any logic whatsoever.

The rest of the film, though, is pretty good. We're treated to a romp through the jungle as the Predator studies, tracks, and slaughters the world's finest in an environment completely alien to itself. I don't know if I watched this right, but I had more fun exploring the Predator as a creature and wondering how it viewed us, and what it was thinking. It's made very clear that he has more of an interest than just in killing, as the Predator appears to be studying us as a species, and observing our culture and language. Ultimately we know that this knowledge will be used to figure out the most suitable strategy for disemboweling us, but that's okay, because watching this creature learn about its adversary is a very rewarding experience.

I also have to commend this film as being the only one I've ever seen do Monster-Vision right. Granted, this movie's Monster-Vision is actually thermal vision, but I'm okay with that. Later in the film the Jungle Hunter removes his helmet and we get to see how it actually views the world, and this wasn't nearly as impressive as the thermal vision. I found these segments to be simply unenjoyable to watch because it was difficult to see anything at all. In retrospect and after reading about the way a Predator sees in the high infrared spectrum I can understand and respect, from a creative perspective, what was going on, but as a viewer I didn't like it so much. It would have made more sense to me for a creature as advanced as the Predators and as focused on hunting without a naturally (at least, without a demonstrated) powerful sense of hearing or smell, it just felt like the Predators should have had a wider range of vision. It's obvious the species puts a heavy emphasis on sight, and I feel like that should have been their strongest natural asset, so Predator-Vision should have been more colorful and less murky, in my opinion.

Although, something I thought of just now which I'm sure the creators haven't ever thought of but I think is interesting: perhaps the Predators did not naturally evolve as hunters like humans did. I guess this kind of goes against their other physical assets, claws and mandibles and such (although perhaps this served other purposes, such as digging and draining the juice from thick-shelled fruits?), but maybe the Predators only became hunters once their technology advanced enough to enhance the senses which they were lacking. I think that would make an interesting back story, that of a race which was not naturally all that powerful to have developed power which drives it to constantly test its limits and assert that it has, in fact, become an extremely dangerous being merely through determination. Just something interesting that popped into my head. Maybe I'll expand on that in a later post.

What did bother me about the portrayal of the Jungle Hunter was the inconsistency of his honor. Billy chooses to battle the creature alone with only a knife in what is an honorable duel, but it is implied that the creature merely shot him down the way it shot down everybody else. This doesn't work with what we know about the Predators as a species, but it works even less because later in the film the creature shows honor when battling Schwarzenegger's character (Dutch) by disarming itself, removing its armor and helmet, and going all down to its natural strength and abilities. What I know of the Predators, and what was implied in several other moments of this film, is that the Jungle Hunter would have accepted Billy's invitation to duel, and would have combated him without armor, without helmet, and with only a melee weapon of comparable use to Billy's machete. It's possible that all of this happened off-screen, but that's not what's implied.

Additionally, at the end of the film, after the Predator is defeated it does not admit to its foe that it has lost in an honorable fashion, but throws a tremendous fit and decides that it's going to blow everyone up. I know the Predators have the whole honor-suicide thing, but you'd think that in situations where they are obviously invading another planet for their hunt and hunting that planet's native species (as opposed to when hunting the Xenomorphs, which the Predators have put into the planet purely for sport and must contain as to prevent them from destroying the rest of the ecosystem), they'd instead utilize something more like seppuku or maybe simply a lethal injection.

Not only is the Predator a sore loser, though, but it cements the fact that it could potentially be a rogue and psychotic member of its race by cackling like a generic villainous mastermind as if to say: "Sorry, fucker, but I never lose!" Not only can the Jungle Hunter not accept the fact that it was bested in the hunt, not only did it not give Dutch a warning about what was going to happen during its honorable suicide, but it took great pleasure in knowing (well, believing) that it would turn a loss into a stalemate. I call bullshit on this guy, especially since the Predator culture is shown to be very tribal and honor-based. They either need to come back in a future film to explain that Jungle Hunter was an escaped psychiatric patient (or a banished one?) and that actually sane Yautja admit defeat and finish themselves quietly. With the exception of perhaps a large-scale conflict with another race or tribe, because all's fair in war.

Perhaps not a fair criticism, but while I'm on the topic of the Predator, the invisibility technique is simply awful. I mean, I know it's an old movie and all, but I'm not really inclined to take it easy on the film because of that. The invisibility is poor, the energy blasts are pretty poor, and the athletic stunts remind me of old Star Trek episodes. The costume is also not the best, but it's not anything too bad outside of one scene (arguably one of the best scenes) where it's clear that the fingers are part of a suit and that the actor had a difficult time using them.

That scene is a really interesting scene where we see that Jungle Hunter has been wounded. He's slinked off to some distant tree where he opens his wrist compartment and... there's a medical kit inside! He disinfects the wound and sews himself up, screaming in pain throughout the entire process. I don't know why I liked this scene so much, but I did, and I think maybe it's just because it lets us further study the Predator as both an individual and a species, and that's just something that gets my pseudo-intellectual rocks off? Who knows. I liked this scene.

The non-Predator characters are pretty much completely unlikeable. They're all generic beefcakes who shout things like "Faggot" and talk about getting "Pussy" all-too-frequently. Naturally the only two likable human males are the two who don't have much dialogue. You've got Dutch, the leader, who manages to be all-business with a sense of humor, which is a difficult balance to get. There's also Billy, the Native American tracker who, while fitting a stereotype, is really cool and probably my favorite character. Billy's tracking prowess is immense, probably bordering on superhuman.

There's also Anna, introduced because the creative team realized a movie full of cocks doesn't appeal to the adolescent male demographic. Anna plays a larger role in the film than most of the other characters, but she isn't particularly important and her inclusion is completely see through. It was nice to see her, but that's the only purpose she served, granted she did provide some reason to show off how Predators don't attack the unarmed. She leaves once her usefulness has run up so we can quickly get back to the strong men blowing things up.

As far as the plot goes, well, it's kind of basic. The strongest men in the world are lied to by the government (naturally), sent on what they believe is a rescue mission but is really a mission to steal documents, the significance of which are never revealed, only to end up on the wrong end of Jungle Hunter's triscope. There's actually a lot more to it than that, but that's really all that matters. There is a certain attention to Dutch after the other characters are slaughtered and he's tasked with taking out the Predator solo which adds an unusual layer of depth to such a banal plot, and of course the bits where we get to analyze the Predator creature, which helps to keep the viewer engaged and elevates this particular movie above the majority of similar sludge.

All in all, I came away really liking this movie. It isn't a great movie by any standards, but it is a good movie. Maybe I just like movies. Regardless, it's not a bad movie, and I'm going to give it a seven out of ten, though there were times for much of this review that I had wanted to give it an eight. Seven is good though, as it does have its fair share of flaws and, well, I hate inconsistent internal logic.

Hopefully you'll all get to see this review.

We all know how perfectionist the Predators are...

...And...

...

...Do you hear ticking?

Film Review: Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

Law Abiding Citizen is a movie I heard a lot about when it first came out in October of 2009. I was told it was an amazing work of intelligent fiction. Something that would shake my moral fiber and make me question the system I was raised in. A film that would really truly and open my eyes to the world around me. Everybody who saw this film demanded that I had to watch it, and after four years of not listening to them (and three years of having it sit on my shelf thanks to the dirt cheap deals of a bankrupt Blockbuster), I finally popped it into the ol' 360.

Boy, was that not worth the hype!

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a bad movie by any means. It's actually a pretty good movie. It's just not the Earth-shattering masterpiece I'd been led to believe it would be. Really this isn't anything more than an action-crime movie where the super genius villain is actually given an opportunity to show off his super genius. It's kind of like Die Hard if Die Hard wasn't also dumb as nails. And while the film does attempt to create a sympathetic villain, all of that sympathy is quickly washed away when we learn how batshit insane he really is.

Most disappointing, I thought, about the movie was that it started, and went on for quite a while, with a lot of promise of at least being a good crime drama. There are a lot of cool ideas going into the film, and the acting is all really good. The characters, while not particularly likable, are all fairly distinguished. I have a lot of trouble with movies like this which incorporate large federal/official settings and characters. Especially when it comes to the overweight, old higher up characters who all kind of look, sound, and act the same. I didn't have that problem with this movie, I could recognize characters right away. Even the minor ones who only speak once but then show up in the background of later shots, I could recognize them. That's a testament to how well done the characters and acting was in this movie.

Unfortunately, the incredible premise and the amazing first two acts of the film are overshadowed by the absurdity and disappointment of the third act. The first two acts are all set up with a bit of action, but you can tell this is a movie that's building and building just for the climax. Just for that payoff. And then it doesn't payoff. Instead we discover that the villain spent ten years digging into every cell of the prison just in case he ended up in that one. Somehow he pulled this off without anybody noticing. You know, the officers never noticed, the warden never noticed, and the inmates living in those exact cells being dug into never noticed. We also learn that the guards never notice when the villain uses these tunnels to not-so-briefly escape prison life and resume occupation of various personas he's created to infiltrate the legal infrastructure.

While it's a cool idea and a wild fantasy, it's a little too wild for the world that was constructed around it. Up until that moment of madness this was a film about an intelligent man who had rigged everything prior to his incarceration and how he was still going to terrify the entire city from within his cell, simply because he had studied everyone and everything and had built timed mechanisms to make it all exactly so. The the movie tells us "No, that's not how it happens, nope. Here's something even more absurd". That really hurts the film. A lot.

Regardless, it's a really well-made piece of cinema. The camera work is all very crisp, and despite having a bit of that shakiness which has pervaded recent film endeavors, you're never at risk of motion sickness. There's an artistic flair to a number of shots throughout the film, and that really does add to the quality of the overall picture. While it might be easy to see through it all as trying a little too hard to be intellectual and groundbreaking, that's actually okay, because it does work most of the time and on a lot of levels.

To wrap it up, really, even though I was disappointed with the payoff and the third act there is a lot of good in this movie which can't be ignored. And to those who haven't already noticed it, this movie will point out the obvious flaws in our legal system (although I do note that the system it proposes is also a barbaric one and the system we have created was to get away from all that kind of nonsense where we routinely executed the wrong person, often an innocent person who was unrelated to the crime. Yeah). It's not an amazing movie, it's just a step above most action type films with the primary focus on an investigation as opposed to explosions (though there are plenty). It's a film that will engage you, and that's ultimately what sets it apart from a number of other movies in the genre. If you want to be engaged, and trust me, you do, you should give this one a look.

I'll go ahead and say eight out of ten, since it really is a cut above the rest. Just not a terribly large cut. But still a cut.