Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Adults: Not Fountains of Wisdom


As I've been growing and experiencing new people, new environments, new ways of understanding, and definitely looking at my parents and the parents of others in different ways, I've come to one basic understanding of the way the adult mind works, particularly the adult mind of parents.

ADULTS ARE ALL CHILDREN WITH BEER BELLIES AND HAIR!

I can hear the angered shouts already, and I'm pretty sure somebody just chucked a brick at my window, but I'm okay because my sister was in the way. Despite the fact that my mop just ain't gonna cut it, I'm not backing out of this opinion, and neither should you, because each and every last one of you above twenty egotistical maniacs knows I'm right. The only difference between the way you live your life now and the way you went through high school is that drinking is legal. Pot still isn't, so y'know, go hide in your basements again.

Let's begin with parents of younger children, shall we? There seems to be a rather large increase in the amount of five year olds who still shit in diapers because nobody bothered to teach them how to sit their ass on a toilet. You know what other numbers are going up? Illiteracy, undeveloped speech, autism, ADHD, and violent behavior. I wonder why this is? Could it be because you juvenile parents still think you're babysitting your neighbors lovely little pookums? Well, you aren't. The longer you leave your kid in the care of the television set, the more problems they're going to have. If you don't talk to your kid, they aren't going to learn to talk. And you should probably get working on their ability to read as well, unless you want them spelling their name wrong until the third grade.

As the children get older and begin to develop muscles (oh right, except their brain) and their parents begin to realize that they can have them do a few of the chores around the house. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for these pampered parents to realize that they can go ahead and drop everything on their kid, and take away what few privileges they have if they don't obey. In this day and age, parents aren't giving birth to continue their blood line or because they want to raise a family. They want to raise slaves. Little preprogrammed robot minions to sit through the abuse of a bad day (or a hang over, because man, that party) or a break up (because marriage is basically dating now, right guys?)

Oh right, marriage. Let's continue with that, since I've already brought it up. It looks like the dating game never ends, especially not after high school. Hell no, now you're in college and unsupervised. Things are really gonna hot up! Adults are jumping into more frivolous games than the cheerleading team ever would have dreamed, and more of them seem to think that marriage is Dating 2.0. So what if it doesn't work out? You can always get a divorce, right? It's not like you vowed to see each other through the rough times as well as the good, is it?

What. The. Fuck.

Seriously, anybody aged between twenty and fifty need to grow the damn hell up. Now. Our countries are being run into the ground because you guys have your heads so far up your shallow little ass that you're suffocating in your own intestines. Each and every one of you is a raging hypocrite, and you have absolutely no right to speak to "teenagers" as lesser beings, because your hormones aren't even flying off the charts and you're still acting like butt hurt little kids who just got their Game Boy taken away.
Seriously, parents, cut the shit.

2 comments:

  1. Autism is not created by sitting someone in front of TV. I'm autistic, I work with autists every day, it's a bit irritating how often people think that's the case. It's not caused by lack of hugs when young, or the MMR jab, or whatever idiot theory they've come up with now. We literally think differently. That's not nurture, that's nature.

    Other than that, as a theoretical adult whose job it is to be a font of wisdom...I tend to agree.

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  2. Just gotta say, my parents are awesome and I think they've done a perfectly fine job teaching me how to be. At this point, whether or not I listen to those teachings is the only factor, because, you know, I choose not to a lot of the time. They tried their best to make me a decent person, and that's about all they can do.

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