A Super Smash Bros. sequel has pretty much been confirmed to at least be in pre-production for the Nintendo's upcoming Wii U console, and while without a trailer the rabid character craze hasn't had a chance to transform the internet into a cesspool of bubbling lolita witch fans (Ashley, I love you), I am still pretty damned hyped, and spend a good portion of one day a week (every hour of every day) fantasizing about just who is going to make the cut. Out of all the possible Nintendo characters there are, these are the five that I would choose if I were on the production team.
1. Villager
The Villagers from Animal Crossing were the original Mii, and they did it a hundred times better. Even back in the old and archaic days of the GameCube, your Villager could change its clothes, which is really more than can be said for any of the Miis at all in the history of ever. The DS added changeable hats and hairstyles, and I'm pretty sure Animal Crossing: City Folk on the Wii finally let you put on different pants and shoes, but I never actually bought that one. Really, Miis should be completely scrapped in favor of using a player's Villager, because they already have an iconic image, and they're already customizable enough to rival with Microsoft's Avatars.
That iconic look the Villagers have is one of the main reasons they should show up in a future Smash Bros. title. Not to mention their immediate arsenal includes axes, shovels, slingshots, fishing rods, and fifteen random pieces of furniture ranging from sofas to urinals, and you've got someone who can literally bury the competition. The Animal Crossing franchise has already proven popular enough to warrant receiving its own stage in Super Smash Bros.: Brawl, and its fanbase really hasn't shrunk. This series is one of Nintendo's big hitters, and it deserves a chance to shine with the best of them.
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| Apparently Google doesn't like the GCN male, so have a Wild World. |
2. Balloon Fighter
Both Melee and Brawl have added two very specific character types to the roster: a reimagined classic character, and a kind of "wtf" Nintendo-historic character. Melee brought us a freshly redimensioned pair of Ice Climbers, as well as the paper-flat Mr. Game & Watch, while Brawl pimped out Pit, and weaponized everybody's robotic buddy, ROB. The only game in the trilogy to not feature a character of these types was the first one way back on the N64, and arguably, all of the characters were "classic" characters, and Ness and Captain Falcon were both very "wtf."
Since Melee, Sakurai has teased us with the prospect of including the famous Balloon Fighter, sometimes known as the Balloonist, to the series, and almost did just that but couldn't due to some physics issues. We've now had arguably two console generations pass by, and it's pretty certain that these issues can be easily worked out. I've already stated how Balloon Fight is one of my favorite retro games, and it's far less obscure than Mach Rider or even Joy Mech Fight, making the Balloon Fighter the perfect face to represent Nintendo's retro library.
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| Maybe he's actually "Lollipop Fighter." I'm not quite sure. |
3. Meowth
Like the Balloon Fighter, Meowth had actually been scheduled to debut as a player character in a previous Smash Bros. title, though his claim to fame was set to be the original Super Smash Bros. on the Nintendo 64. Unfortunately he, alongside King Dedede, Peach, Bowser, and Pit, were removed from the title probably because the team was running out of time, which seems to be a common factor in not giving us enough Smash. This is a hint for Nintendo to finally suck it up and permit DLC.
All of those characters actually did make it into the series, eventually, and it's about time for Meowth to do the same. While the character isn't quite as recognizable as he was back in the day, he is still one of the more iconic Pokemon in the franchise, and he hasn't been traded off of Team Rocket's roster in the anime, effectively appearing in nearly every episode of the 700 episode series, and having infinitely more character development and depth than Pikachu. Meowth has appeared as a summonable Pokemon in both Super Smash Bros. and Super Smash Bros.: Brawl, and I think it's time we finally got to use Pay Day ourselves.
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| So long side character, hello spotlight! |
4. KOS-MOS
KOS-MOS is the figurehead of Monolith Soft's Xenosaga trilogy, originally published by Namco, and was popular enough to receive cameos in nearly every other game Namco published at the time, such as: Namco x Capcom, Soul Calibur III, and Tales of Hearts. However, in 2007, Nintendo bought a large portion of Namco's interest in the developers, and Monolith became a first-party developer in the name of the Big N. They took the Xenosaga franchise along for the ride, releasing a retelling of the first two Xenosaga episodes on the Nintendo DS.
KOS-MOS isn't just the figurehead of the Xenosaga franchise, however. She's probably right up there with Square-Enix's Cloud Strife for recognizable RPG characters, and Master Chief for representing the video game industry's SciFi genre. KOS-MOS is a beautiful, yet seemingly heartless, android with a very large assortment of weapons, and inhuman strength and stamina. While she's new in the Nintendo break room, her reputation will undoubtedly proceed her, and she really deserves the opportunity to prove that she's right where she belongs.
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| What draws your attention more? The slight panty shot, or the pair of insane Gatling guns marching towards you? ...It was the panties, wasn't it? |
5. Diskun
Remember how earlier I mentioned that the Smash Bros. franchise always adds a "wtf" character? Well here's mine. Aside from Captain N, Nintendo's history is really running out of oddball characters that don't have a direct starring role or identity, but Diskun is certainly a more colorful character than ROB. American audiences probably won't know him unless they're total nerds or they unlocked his trophy in Super Smash Bros. Melee, but he should be familiar to any Japanese family who owned a Famicom Disk System. That should be about four million of you.
Diskun hasn't actually appeared in games outside of very, very minor cameo roles, but he is a fondly remembered part of Nintendo's history, and he really brings a unique image to the game. Not to mention that he's wildly popular and merchandise featuring the character typically sells like hotcakes. Also, he's probably some kind of nerdy cousin to Domo-Kun.
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| Definitely. |
Bonus Character:
Ditto
Why am I considering Ditto a "bonus" sixth character, and why does he get to break the rules of the list anyways? Because Ditto has technically already been playable in a previous Smash Bros. game. What the hell am I talking about? Have a look for yourself:
Photoshop is completely uninvolved with the image you just saw. In certain match types of Melee's Tournament Mode, holding down L+R and pressing A while choosing your character will replace the icon with Ditto, and the name with "Random," which is a hell of a lot better than that obnoxious white box Brawl tried to get away with.
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| That one. |
Adding Ditto in basically the same exact role he already had would be a great way for Nintendo to make the roster feel a little more full, and add a tiny bit of replay to the game, as it would give us about three new trophies to collect. If some players really aren't convinced that he's enough of a character, tack on that goofy ass face from the anime.
